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"You suckeredthe soup

"You’re not the first"

As, I’d have the courts change your nalad you can still s waitress with jetblack hair and almond eyes appeared at the table and asked if Connie would like to order dinner

"Just a bottle of Tsingtao, please," Connie said And to Mickey: "I don’t feel , if you want to know the truth You sure as hell ruined "

"Ruined your day? Me?"

"Who else?"

"Maybe a certain gentlerenades?"

"So you heard about that"

"Who hasn’t? Even in southern California it’s the kind of story that gets on the news ahead of the sports report"

"On a slow day maybe"

He finished his soup

The waitress returned with the beer

Connie poured the Tsingtao down the side of the chilled pilsner glass to hed

"I’m sorry," Mickey said sincerely "I kno much you wanted to believe you had a family"

"I did have a faes of three and eighteen, Connie had been raised in a series of state institutions and temporary foster ho her to be tough and to fight back Because of her personality, she had not appealed to adoptive parents and could not escape by that route Certain of her character traits, which she saw as strengths, were considered attitude problee, she had been independent minded, solemn beyond her years, virtually unable to be a child To act her age, she literally would have had to act, for she had been an adult in a child’s body

Until seven ht to the identity of her parents There see

For whatever reason, they had abandoned her as a child, and she had no memory whatsoever of the out of the airfield at Perris, her ripcord jammed She fell four thousand feet toward brown desert scrub as arid as Hell, with the conviction that she was dead except for the actual dying Her chute deployed at the last possible h, she was lucky; it resulted in only a sprained ankle abraded left hand, bruisesand a sudden need to knohere she’d come from

Everyone had to exit this life without a clue as to where they were going, so it see about the entrance

During offduty hours, she could have used official channels, contacts, and coate her past, but she preferred Mickey Chan

She didn’t want her colleagues getting involved with her search, pulling for her and curiousin case she found so she didn’t want to share with them

As it turned out, what Mickey had learned after sixinto official files was not pretty

When he handed her the report in his stylish Fashion Island office with its I 9thcentury French art and Biedermeier furniture, he said, "I’ll be in the next roo some letters Let me knohen you’re finished"

His Asian reticence, the iht need to be alone, alerted her to just how bad the truth was

According to Mickey’s report, a court had removed her from the’ care of her parents because she had suffered repeated severe physical abuse

As punish alivethey beat her, shaved off all of her hair, blindfolded her and tied her and left her in a closet for eighteen hours at a stretch, and broke three of her fingers

When remanded to the care of the court, she had not yet learned to speak, for her parents had never taught or permitted her to talk

But speech had come quickly to her, as if she relished the rebellion that therepresented

However, she never had the opportunity to accuse herthe state to avoid prosecution, they had died in a fiery headon collision near the CaliforniaArizona border

Connie read Mickey’s first report with grim fascination, less shaken by its contents thanenough to have seen the likes of it many tiainst her had been earned by her shortcos or because she had been less lovable than other kids

It was just how the world worked sometimes Too often At least she finally understood why, even at the tender age of three, she had been too solemn, too wise beyond her years, too independentirl that adoptive parents were seeking

The abuse e of the report , courts usually tolerated a lot of parental brutality before taking such drastic action For another she had blocked all memories of it and of her sister, which was an act of some desperation

Most children who survived such experiences grew up deeply troubled by their repressed s of wortNessnessr even utterly dysfunctional She was fortunate to be one of the strong ones She had no doubts about her value as a huht have enjoyed being a gentler person, h, she nevertheless liked herself and was content in her oay

Mickey’s report hadn’t contained entirely bad news Connie learned that she had a sister of whom she’d been unaware Colleen

Constance Mary and Colleen Marie Gulliver, the former born three minutes before the latter Identical twins Both abused, both permanently removed from parental care, eventually sent to different institutions, they had gone on to lead separate lives

in the client chair that day a ht had swept along Connie’s spine at the realization that soularly intimate bond Identical twins She abruptly understood why she so two people at once and appeared in duplicate in those sleeping fantasies Though Mickey was still seeking leads on Colleen, Connie dared to hope she was not alone

But now, a feeeks later, Colleen’s fate was known She had been adopted, raised in Santa Barbaraand died five years ago at the age of twentyeight

That ain, and forever this tirief than at any time in her life

She had not wept

She seldorief as she dealt with all disappointments, setbacks, and losses: she kept busy obsessively busy and she got angry Poor Harry He had taken the brunt of her anger alla clue as to the cause of it Polite, reasonable, peiceloving, longsuffering Harry He would never know just how perversely grateful she had been for the chance to chase down the ard She had been able to direct her rage at soy of the grief that she could not release through tears

Now she drankTsingtao and said, "This raphs"

The busboy removed the empty soup bowl

Mickey put a manila envelope on the table "Are you sure you want to look at them?"

"Why wouldn’t I?"

"You can never know her The picturesthat home"

"I’ve already accepted it"

She opened the envelope Eight or ten snapshots slid out

The photos showed Colleen as young as five or six, as old as her otten She wore different clothes from those that Connie had ever worn, styled her hair differently, and was photographed in living rooms and kitchens, on lawns and beaches, that Connie had never seen But in every fundaht, coloration, facial features, even expressions and unconscious body attitudesshe was Connie’s perfect double

Connie had the uncanny feeling that she was seeing photos of herself in a life that she could not reet these?" she asked Mickey Chan