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Tony sat in the booth at The Bolt Hole, with a beer getting warrowing realization that this was the first tirief with anyone Barbara Ann had died in 1958, twenty-two years ago, and in all the time since, Frank had not expressed to anyone the pain he had felt while watching her waste away and die It was a pain that had never dwindled; it burned within him now as fiercely as it had then He drank ony; and Tony was a that had been so well-concealed behind the hard Teutonic face and those usually expressionless blue eyes

Losing Barbara Ann had left Frank weak, disconnected, uish because he had been afraid that if he gave in to theain control He had sensed self-destructive impulses in himself: a terrible thirst for booze that he had never experienced prior to his wife’s death; a tendency to drive h he had previously been a cautious driver To improve his state of ed his pain in the de to forget Barbara Ann in long hours of police work and study The loss of her left an aching hole in hied to plate over that hole with an obsessive interest in his work and with total dedication to the Department

For nineteen years he survived, even thrived, on the imen of a workaholic As a unifor hours, so he went to school five nights a week and Saturdays, until he earned a Bachelor of Science in Criree and his superb service record to climb into the ranks of the plainclothes detectives, where he could labor well beyond his scheduled tour of duty each day without screwing up a dispatcher’s roster During his ten- and twelve- and fourteen-hour workdays, he thought of nothing else but the cases to which he had been assigned Even when he wasn’t on the job, he thought about current investigations to the exclusion of just about everything else, pondered the to fall asleep at night,his early breakfasts and his solitary late-night dinners He read aly textbooks and case studies of criminal types For nineteen years he was a cop’s cop, a detective’s detective

In all that tiot serious about a wo, and soht to him It wasn’t fair to Barbara Ann He led a celibate’s life for weeks, then indulged in a few nights of torrid release with a series of paid partners In a way he could not fully understand, hang sx with a hooker was not a betrayal of Barbara Ann’s e of cash for services made it strictly a business transaction and not a ard

And then he ainst the booth in The Bolt Hole, Frank seemed to choke on the woman’s name He wiped one hand across his clah his hair, and said, "I need another double Scotch" He reat effort to articulate each syllable, but that only hly drunk than if he had slurred and led his words

"Sure," Tony said "Another Scotch But we ought to get a bite of sory," Frank said

"They et a couple of those and some French fries"

"No Just Scotch for er but not the fries

Penny took the food order, but when she heard Frank wanted another Scotch, she wasn’t sure that was a good idea

"I didn’t drive here," Frank assured her, again stressing each sound in each word "I caet stupid drunk I’ll go ho, bring me another of those delicious double Scotches"

Tony nodded at her "If he can’t get a cab later, I’ll take hiht new drinks for both of them A half-finished beer stood in front of Tony, but it arm and flat, and Penny took it away

Wiler than Frank, thirty-one when he first , petite, pretty, and dark-eyed Slender legs Supple body Exciting swell of hips A tight little ass A pinched waist and brsts a shade too full for her size She wasn’t quite as lovely or quite as char or quite as petite as Barbara Ann had been She didn’t have Barbara Ann’s quick wit or Barbara Ann’s industrious nature or Barbara Ann’s coh rese-dead woman to stir Frank’s dormant interest in romance

Wilma was a waitress at a coffee shop where policemen often ate lunch The sixth time she waited on Frank, he asked for a date, and she said yes On their fourth date, they went to bed Wilness to experiment that had made Barbara Ann a wonderful lover If at tiratification and not at all interested in his, Frank was able to convince himself that her selfishness would pass, that it wasrelationship in a long time Besides, he was proud that he could arouse her so easily, so completely For the first time since he’d slept with Barbara Ann, love was a part of his love-ht he perceived the same emotion in Wilether for two months, he asked her to er wanted to date him; the only time he could see her and talk to her hen he stopped at the coffee shop

Wil hi for the right ht ood job A cop, she said, would never h money to provide her with the lifestyle and the security she wanted Her first ely because she and her husband had always been arguing about bills and budgets She had discovered that worries about finances could burn the love out of a relationship, leaving only an ashy shell of bitterness and anger That had been a terrible experience, and she had ain She didn’t rule outfor love, but there had to be financial security as well She was afraid she sounded hard, but she could not endure the kind of pain she had endured before She got all shaky-voiced and teary-eyed when she spoke of it She would not, she said, risk the unbearably sad and depressing dissolution of another love affair because of a lack of ely, her determination to marry for money did not decrease Frank’s respect for her or da, he was eager to continue their relationship, even if he had to wear the biggest pair of rose-colored glasses ever made in order to maintain the illusion of romance He revealed his financial situation to her, virtually begged her to look at his savings account passbook and short-term certificates of deposit which totaled nearly thirty-two thousand dollars He told her what his salary was and carefully explained that he would be able to retire fairly young with a fine pension, young enough to use sos to start a small business and earn even more money If security hat she wanted, he was her man

Thirty-two thousand dollars and a police pension were not sufficient for Wilood little piece of change, but then you don’t own a house or anything, Frank"

She fingered the savings account passbooks for a longsexual pleasure from them, but then she handed them back and said, "Sorry, Frank But I want to shoot for so, and I look five years younger than I really am I have some time yet, a little more time to look around And I’ bankroll these days I’h so with you if there’s a chance it couldget hatefuland mean

like it did the last ti like such a fool!" Frank wailed, pounding one fist into the table to emphasize his foolishness "I had made upspecial, someone rare and precious No matter what she did, not , I made excuses for her Lovely excuses Dandy, elaborate, creative excuses Stupid I was stupid, stupid, dumb as a jackass Jesus!"

"What you did was understandable," Tony said

"It was stupid"

"You were alone a long, long time," Tony said "You had such a wonderful two years with Barbara Ann that you thought you’d never have anything half as good again, and you didn’t want to settle for less So you shut out the world You convinced yourself that you didn’t need anyone But we all need soer for love and comradeship is as natural to our species as the requirement for food and water So the need built up inside of you all those years, and when you saw someone who resembled Barbara Ann, when you saw Wiler Nineteen years of wanting and needing ca out of you all at once You were bound to act kind of crazy It would have been nice if Wilood woman who deserved what you had to offer But you know, actually, it’s surprising soo"

"I was a sap"

"No"

"An idiot"

"No, Frank You were human," Tony said "That’s all Just huers

Frank ordered another double Scotch