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She hung up

What’s wrong with o away and stop bothering rew fro specih he was not the kind ould be capable of tenderness or affection, she could listen to hiood s to her

"Well, you’re not pretty," she told herself, "and you never ever will be, so stop ot out of bed and went down the hall to the bathroo Violet Devon’s example, Nora did not have mirrors anywhere in the house except the bathrooms She did not like to look at herself because what she saas saddening

This one night, however, she wanted to take a look at herself because Streck’s flattery, though cold and calculated, had stirred her curiosity Not that she hoped to see some fine quality that she had never seen before No Frohtthat was a frivolous, hopeless dream Rather, she wanted to confirm that she was undesirable Streck’s unwanted interest rattled Nora because she was comfortable in her homeliness and solitude, and she wanted to reassure herself that he washer, that he would not act upon his threats, that her peaceful solitude would endure Or so she told herself as she stepped into the bathrooht

The narrow cha with a white-tile border A huge claw-foot tub White porcelain and brass fixtures The large e

She looked at her hair, which Streck said was beautiful, dark, glossy But it was of one shade, without natural highlights; to her, it wasn’t glossy but oily, although she had washed it that

She looked quickly at her brow, cheekbones, nose, jaw line, lips, and chin She tentatively traced her features with one hand, but she saw nothing to intrigue a man

At last, reluctantly, she stared into her eyes, which Streck had called lovely They were a dreary, lusterless shade of gray She could not bear to aze for more than a few seconds Her eyes confirmed her low opinion of her appearance But alsowell, in her own eyes she saw a ser that disturbed her, that was not like her, an anger at what she had let herself become Of course, that made no sense whatsoever because she hat nature hadabout that

Turning fro of disappointle surprise or reevaluation Immediately, however, she was shocked and appalled by that disappoint her head, aht processes

Did she want to be appealing to Streck? Of course not He eird, sick, dangerous The very last thing she wanted was to appeal to him Maybe she wouldn’t mind if another et on her knees and thank God for creating her as she was, because if she were at all attractive, Streck would ood on his threats He’d come here, and he’d rape hermaybe murder her Who knew about a man like that? Who knehat his li a nervous old maid when she worried about murder, not these days: the newspapers were full of it

She realized that she was defenseless, and she hurried back to the bedroom, where she had left the butcher’s knife

5

Most people believe psychoanalysis is a cure for unhappiness They are sure they could overcome all their problems and achieve peace of y, understand the reasons for their negative moods and self-destructive behavior But Travis had learned this was not the case For years, he engaged in unsparing self-analysis, and long ago he figured out why he had become a loner as unable to , he had not been able to change

Now, as ht approached, he sat in the kitchen, drank another Coors, and told Einstein about his self-i, never yawning, as if intently interested in his tale

"I was a loner as a kid, right froh I wasn’t entirely without friends It was just that I always preferred uess it’s my nature Ifriends with soiving birth to hie In time her death would seem like an omen of as to come, and it would take on a terrible importance, but that was later As a kid, he wasn’t yet burdened with guilt

Not until he was ten That hen his brother Harry died Harry elve, two years older than Travis One Mondaythree blocks to the beach, although their father had expressly forbidden the without hiuard, and they were the only tiht in an undertow," Travis told Einstein "We were in the water together no ot hiet me I even went after hiht into the saed course just after it snatched Harry away, ’cause I came out of the water alive" He stared at the top of the kitchen table for a long , treacherous, blue-green sea "I lovedbrother more than anyone in the world"

Einstein whined softly, as in commiseration

"Nobody blamed me for what happened to Harry He was the older one He was supposed to be the most responsible But I feltwell, if the undertow took Harry, it should’ve taken ht wind blew in fro a s of beer, Travis said, "The suo to tennis ca enthusiaso, a full month of intense instruction He drove me there on a Sunday, but we never made it Just north of Oceanside, a trucker fell asleep at the wheel, his rig jumped the median, and iped Dad was killed instantly Broken neck, broken back, skull crushed, chest caved in I was in the front seat beside him, and I caers"

The dog was studying him intently

"It was just like with Harry Both of us should have died, my father andthe daitated like hell about tennis ca around it Maybe I couldn’t be bla in childbirth, and maybe I couldn’t be pinned with Harry’s death, but this oneAnyway, although I wasn’t always at fault, it began to be clear that I was jinxed, that it wasn’t safe for people to get too close to me When I loved so to die"

Only a child could have been convinced that those tragic eventscurse, but Travis was a child then, only fourteen, and no other explanation was so neat He was too young to understand that thethat could be ascertained At fourteen, he neededin order to cope, so he told himself that he was cursed, that if hethein with, he found it almost too easy to turn inward and raduated froe of twenty-one, he was a confiriven him a healthier perspective On the deaths of his ht of hier blamed himself for what had happened to his family He remained an introvert, without close friends, partly because he had lost the ability to forured he could not be shattered by grief if he had no friends to lose

"Habit and self-defense keptrose and crossed the few feet of kitchen floor that separated thes and put its head in his lap

Petting Einstein, Travis said, "Had no idea what I wanted to do after college, and there was a military draft then, so I joined up before they could call me Chose the army Special Forces Liked it Maybe becausewell, there was a sense of camaraderie, and I was forced to make friends See, I pretended not to want close ties with anyone, but I must have because I put myself in a situation where it was inevitable Decided to make a career out of the service When Delta Force-the antiterrorist group-was foruys in Delta were tight, real buddies They called me ’The Mute’ and ’Harpo’ because I wasn’t a talker, but in spite of myself I made friends Then, on our eleventh operation, my squad was flown into Athens to take the US eroup of Palestinian extreht staff otiate We hit them quick and sneaky-and it was a fiasco They’d booby-trapped the place Nine men in h Shrapnel in my ass But a survivor"

Einstein raised his head froht he saw sy’s eyes Maybe because that hat he wanted to see

"That’s eight years ago, when I enty-eight Left the army Came home to California Got a real-estate license because my dad had sold real estate, and I didn’t knohat else to do Did real well, ht the houses I showed them, didn’t push, didn’t act like a salesman Fact is, I did so well that I became a broker, opened my own office, hired salespeople"