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The memory of the tears that he had shed in McCarthy’s kitchen re In his line of work, if you started weeping for no reason-or even for a good reason-you were on a slippery slope

In the living roone not into one of the handsolass He selected a nac frone

Pacing through the wonderfully cavernous suite, he sucked at his drink, but by the tilass, he felt no better

Because he would be seeing Harrow in the afternoon and could not afford a hangover, he dared not risk a series of such concoctions

The only other solace at hand were the weapons in the second suitcase They were new purchases, gifts to hiolf clubs, but Billy didn’t golf

He returned to the bedroom and put the suitcase on the bed With the sed the locks

When he opened the case, the firearm and accessories were there in the left half, as he had packed them

In his current mood, he had half expected that the always before reliable FedEx had confused his bag with an identical one belonging to, say, a vacationing Morive hiht half of the case contained a second gun, but on top lay a sheaf of papers The first was McCarthy’s pencil drawing of the golden retriever

Billy didn’t re roolass as he poured

He needed ten o back into the bedroos-which, daed, and later tossed into the cres could survive the creainst the possibility that Gunny Schloss, shot ten ti in the bathroom when Billy went in there to piss

He approached the open suitcase with caution-and discovered that the sheaf of papers were not torn froes of a et shooters, and other gun aficionados He had packed the publication hi had been entirely the work of his iination This discovery was an enorrim’s responsibilities-and with his associates-could not survive long if he lost his nerve

Chapter 50

Piggy sits at the desk with azines

She can’t have words

Mother says Piggy is too du words is for people with brains in their heads

Piggy, poor baby, if you try to learn to read, your fat funny little head will explode

Piggy can read hope when she sees it She can read other words, a few

Her head is okay Maybe it will go bang with one more word Probably not

Mother lies A lot

Mother lives to lie, and she lies to live Bear said so

Piggy, your mom doesn’t just lie to you and everybody else She also lies to herself

This is true Weird but true

Here’s one way Piggy knows it’s true: Being told liesto herself gets your h the day If she ever faced the truth, she’d fall apart

Soy wishes Mother wouldn’t lie

But she doesn’t want her mother to fall apart, either

Maybe Mother sometimes feels she will fall apart, so she tears a doll apart instead Soy knows Mother lies to herself: She thinks nothing bad can happen to her

Soy doesn’t knohat bad thing happened to her mother, but you can tell it happened You can tell

Bear knew Mother always lies But Mother lied to Bear, and Bear believed soether to Make Soy and hernew friends All friends, everywhere, talk how to Make Souns when they talk uns She will never Make Some Money

So Bear wanted to Make Soy Mostly they see Piggy but don’t really see her

Bear was a y, I’ a s about himself Because she knew Bear didn’t lie to her

Mother proy to child-welfare people

Piggy doesn’t knoho child-welfare people are Bear made them sound nice He uns

After they had money, Mother broke her proy

Bear and Mother are laughing, and Mother sits on his lap

This was back on the day it happened

Mother sits on Bear’s lap, laughing, and takes the big knife out froy reht now, like it’s not back then

Mother h Bear’s neck, front to back

Then everything gets very bad, worse than anything ever

Let not your heart be troubled

Let not your heart be troubled

Mother says she didn’t kill him to take his y’s friend

Mother says, My friends are mine, you fat-faced little freak My friends aren’t yours What’s y Pig Nobody takes what’s y sad forever if it was true Bear was dead because of her

Here’s one way Piggy knows it isn’t true: Mother always lies

Let not your heart be troubled

Here’s another way Piggy knows it isn’t true: Dying, Bear looks at her, and his eyes aren’t afraid or angry

His eyes just say Sorry, Piggy

And his eyes say It’s okay, girl, you keep on keepin’ on

Piggy can read eyes She can’t read words, but she reads eyes real good

Soy feels her head y doesn’t hide thepictures She is allowed to cut pictures

The y is allowed to cut lots of pictures and paste theer pictures soy doesn’t call thes can be put with other pretty things in ways so all the things are even ether