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They had put down both rows of backseats, allowing Nickie to lie io area

As Brian pulled away froliustine’s house

She said, "Wait, stop"

Brian braked, but when Alass, and the face was gone

After a hesitation, she said, "Nothing Let’s go"

Block after block, street after street, and up the freeway ra between the seats to get a better view through the tailgate

"No one’s following us," he said

"But she told you we’d be watched"

"They don’t need to watch us now They knoe’re going to Santa Barbara They can put a tail on us there"

Rush hour had long passed Northbound traffic remained heavy, but itfro vehicles a fabric of red and white light

"Do you think, as bitter and troubled as she is, she really could e?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation "If he was unfortunate enough for their lives to intersect, Vanessa could turn him off his path and onto hers It’s not just how she looks She has an instinct for your weaknesses, for finding the buttons that open the door to your dark side"

"You? Even young and stupid, as you described yourself then? I don’t think you have a dark side"

"I think reed "Maybe all of us And thewe can ever do is keep the door shut to it, keep the door shut and locked tight"

Chapter 45

Piggy can’t keep them out They can keep her in, but she can’t keep them out

She never knohen the door will open This is scary

Let not your heart be troubled

Sometimes she hears footsteps But sometimes they make no sound, like your shadow makes no sound when it runs down steps behind you, and they co she does so She Can Do, she always listens really hard for the lock squeak

She cleans up potato salad, all Mother’s s in her bathroooes to the door to listen Voices They are far away, maybe as far as the kitchen

Mother and the h the dark They sleep when the sun happens

Doing the Worst Thing She Can Do is safer when they sleep But right now she wants to do it so bad

She wishes she had ashe could see out Sometimes, they live where she can see sky

Her s have wood over theh some cracks, but she can’t see out

If she could see sky, she could wait to do the Worst Thing Sky makes her feel better

Sky is best when the dark coets deeper You can see then, and you think what Bear said

She misses Bear She misses him worse than all the s there will ever be or never be She will always et his

She likesstars you can wish on

If she could see a shooting star, she would wish for aBut first she has to have a ish fro works Bear knew everything He wasn’t duy

Bear said that a lot

And he said All things work out for the best, hard as that is to believe

You just have to wait Wait for a sandithout a dead bug or live worood sandwich comes Wait for aWait

The kitchen voices are still kitchen voices, you can’t hear the words fro chair has a cushion The cushion has a cover The cover has a zipper

Inside the cover, under the cushion, the Forever Shiny Thing is hidden

Foreverto be, and then that many more Bear explained it

Forevercan happen to you, every good thing you can think of, because there’s ti you can think of to happen, is there ti you can think of to happen?

She asked Bear her question, and he said no, it doesn’t work that way

Piggy herself is forever Bear said so

As soon as she has the Forever Shiny Thing in her hand, Piggy feels better She feels not alone

Alone is better than with Mother and the man

But alone is hard

Alone is very hard

Alone is mostly what she ever remembers She didn’t kno bad alone was until Bear

She had Bear, and then she didn’t, and after there was no more Bear, she knew for the first time how hard alone was

She feels close to Bear when she holds the Forever Shiny Thing in her hand She holds it now very tight