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I could barely see the pale for the pistol As I took a two-hand grip on the weapon, it remained all but invisible, and I almost squeezed off a shot just to see the h I wanted to put more distance betweenbehind which I could hide--chi---settled roof tar But ical, the blackness above pressing down like deep strata of soil and rock, squeezing upon ue with Nature, intended that I should beco more than a brittle fossil in a thick vein of anthracite

With effort, I shuffled backward a step, another and another, but then halted as a dizziness overca as I retreated, gradually arcing away froht at any moment appear I needed to keep the pistol trained upon that door, because if the stranger cah it with the obvious intent to attack, he would be backlighted only briefly I would have but a second to discern his intent and another second to squeeze off a shot before the door fell shut

When he was no longer silhouetted by the lighted shed, I htlessness of this wretched reality as well as I was able to see in the full sun of the day He could then stalkpanic I shot at phantoazine

Although I aination can conjure countless deadly hands from any shuffled deck before the cards are dealt I am, therefore, perplexed by so many people hether they’re opti as he claiht to be, who trust their own vision to the extent that they never question it, and who believe that four of a kind and royal flushes always fall by chance in a world withoutTo such folks, Hitler was a distant and half-co to use nuclear weapons as soon as they obtain them are likewise harmless--until they aren’t I, on the other hand, believe life has profound n, but I also know that there are such things as card e In life, little happens by chance, and most bad hands we’re dealt are the consequence of our actions, which are shaped by our wisdonorance Infor the best while recognizing that disaster is ined

The roof-shed door opened The ht behind him, a silhouette of which I could see no details whatsoever

Standing five-ten or five-eleven, he see terht have feared As far as I could tell, he held no weapon

No light froical barrier contained it, and I couldn’t knohether or not he saw e to one side; he paused in the doorway instead, blocking the door with his body, giving est that he didn’t bear me any ill will and therefore assumed I would not harm hi er he dared to stand there, however, theboldness, even effrontery His continued silenceme was mere curiosity Moant and threatening

Unless his vision was cat-clear in the dark, he could not know that I held a pistol He ht be convinced to explain himself if he was made aware that, at a distance of perhaps fifteen feet, I could blow him out of this hostile world into another

Intuition told ht be a taunt, inviting me to ask who he was and what he intended If he wantedso would in so else, my life is a series of pursuits and confrontations Suddenly I realized that when this man appeared and came afterthe strangeness of this dark world to recede frorateful to escape into the fa myself to action, I’d failed to consider that the issues and ideas and needs ht be as different from my desires and motives as his world was different froht imply, whatever his silence was meant to convey,I was in new territory in every sense of the word, standing waist-deep in the surging waters of the unknohich is the worst place to find oneself, for that riverbed is treacherous underfoot and those currents are as unpredictable as they are deadly

Intuition and reason told me to remain mute and to be prepared that when he spoke, if he spoke, what little I thought I knew about this place and this man would be washed away And then events would rush forward in waves, in drowning cataracts

My expectation was fulfilled a moment later, when the silhouette declared, "My na dead" His voice wasshut behind hiht in the stairwell

Thirteen

THERE CAN BE NO MORE DREAMLIKE MOMENT THAN TO encounter yourself in a dark place and to know in your marrow as surely as in your mind that only one of you will leave this rendezvous alive

Yet this was not a dreaht heart achieves a pace that would set off a cardiac-monitor alarm if you were in an ER, hyperventilation and elevated blood pressure lead to an attack of pulmonary hypertension, and you are violently ejected fro so loud that your eardru, unable to draw an adequate breath For a moment, you are convinced that the ht you, but within seconds, the fa world is an antidote for your panic

As the man who claimed to beus in an abyssal dark, er an alar became so fast and shallow that a pain rose in

Intuition urgently insisted that I ht and squeeze off three spread shots at where the Other Odd Thoinal position I regret to say that I allowed ed me to Shoot now, this instant, shoot or run, run!--but which si someone who clais, low superstition is inevitably entwined with instinct--one struggling for doe that no doubt dates to our caveh muscle, sinew, and blood--a dread that if I killed this Other, I would at the same time kill myself

Instinct is an ani, but far inferior to intuition, which is a grace unique to humanity Instinct will never mislead a deer that senses a hunter in the woods and bolts for the cover of a thicker stand of trees, because animals are not subject to superstition that can pollute pure instinct, as we are

Besides, instinct always triggers instant action, the fight-or-flight is are accustomed to the comforts of Starbucks and smartphones and aerosol cheese and athletic shoes with air-cushion insoles, we rarely find ourselves in crises that can be resolved as easily as choosing to run or attack, other than in the coain-price shopping day after Thanksgiving Intuition, on the other hand, arises from the perpetual calm in the core of the soul, and it requires of us discri that blackout on the roof, I was norabbit abruptly paralyzed by a double flash of lightning and a hah to cleave stone The Other had spoken in my voice, therefore I was him and he was me, and to shoot seemed to be suicide