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My hotel roo back to Seaside in less than twenty-four hours But I didn’t want to go

Because Nat was there and I didn’t kno to face her You know that feeling -- where you have soon, you’re so overwhelmed that you don’t even knohere to start? I had soto even breathe -- let alone try to explain to Nat why I did the things I did

Like kissing another girl when I hadn’t even really broken things off with Nat

In my mind it made sense If she saw me for who everyone else saw me as… it would be easier for her In the end that’s what I wanted I wanted the choice to be easier because right noas hard as hell Her hesitation was because of my weakness, which just made me hate myself that much more I think… I think deep down, I hope that, even if she seeslike a complete jackass, she’ll still want me, she’ll still want to save me

And even if she rejects me, once she knohat Alec did

I’ll be the broken bird she wants to put in a box and nurse back to health Wasn’t that how things worked?

I ranas I tapped ainst the carpeted floor

If I stayed inoutalways led to getting high, and then doing so else that was stupid, and for once I needed that clear head Especially if I was going to go back to Seaside and ask her for forgiveness

If she saw the kiss… I’d ask for forgiveness

If she saw nothing… then I wasn’t sure what I’d do… but I’d do anything to get her to see that I needed her just as much as Alec did

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Alec

I WAS LIKE Nat’s shadow Even when she didn’t realize it -- I atching her Right, that sounded way better in my head then out loud Out loud, it sounded a hell of a lot like a restraining order just waiting to happen

Worry was my constant companion I orried about Demetri and worried about Nat and to top it all off I orried about me -- worried my secret was already out

Funny, because up until now I always thought I was really good at keeping ht that week -- I kept ain? What if she fell? What if a giant shark eed fro laid in wait in her giant ass bed?

Yeah, sounded like so De back in a day -- so thatout with Nat and didn’tof yelling at her

Where the hell was she? We were supposed to hang out I ran over to her house and knocked on the door No answer

I called her cell

And no answer