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"I’ to make you feel better It’s true" I leaned back and held on to the console, sitting taller in my seat

I needed a stiff spine for what I was about to say I hated even thinking about it

"Whatever you say, babe," heaway

I took in a deep breath, wiped once more at my face to collect any stray tears, then spoke evenly and carefully,sure I was heard

"You know my brother died You kno he died, but you don’t know the part I played in it"

Brian slowly turned his head His brows furrowed

"What are you talking about?" he asked

I felt athered it back up before replying

"Barrett had two choices he was looking at when he graduated," I said "UCLA and Boston University Had scholarships fro One night I was playing inthe brochures he had from the two schools and laid theo Said he was having trouble deciding and wanted ave it to him I picked up those brochures and studied them for the time I needed to make my decision, which lasted all of three seconds because the brochure for UCLA had pretty palht it was beautiful so I told hio there, and he did Fourin his seat a little to face ht on the backrest

"You don’t blaht orry

I shook h an exhale

"No But I could," I replied, looking at hi Let that consu you"

"It’s not the sa"

"What’s the difference?" I asked "My brother died because he went to a school that I picked Maybe if he went so that day It was my fault"

"Syd--"

"Or," I interrupted "My brother died because no one to UCLA anyway because it here he really wanted to go He was just hu me pick It didn’t matter what I said If I’d chosen Boston, he still would’ve wound up at UCLA"