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A big bu us forever to clear, but we’ll clear it

I knoill

"What about CJ?" Beth asks

"We’re friends That’s what I wanted" I tap my phone with the back of my hand, then wave her on "Go ahead Tell me I’m a horrible person I deserve it"

"Why would I tell you you’re a horrible person?" she questions

"Because I cheated on Richard"

"But," her brow furrows "You thought you were broken up, right? Ithe balled up napkin Beth used as a weapon and twisting it betweenout a towel "I should’ve been absolutely sure though," I declare, sing down the sick creeping up the back of my throat "I should’ve doubled checked Triple checked Why didn’t I?"

Beth’s face softens She shakes her head "You were sure, Riley," she tellswrong"

"Then why do I still feel so terrible every time I look at hiether, then lowerinto pieces "He doesn’t know anything Not even about this new friendship I have," I confess "I didn’t tell anybody what happened that weekend until just now, and really, the only reason why I’htabout it so et Why can’t I forget?

"You’re thinking about it a lot?" she asks, drawing ain

"Constantly"

"Constantly? Even," her eyes go round, "you know"

I shake my head "We haven’t really done ot fired Things are justoff I don’t know But other ti about it" My shoulders slouch I sink lower onto my stool "I try not to I do, but they’re just so different Everything is different Even their hands" I look down at et over how different their hands are," I her Richard has hands like he works outside but CJ has hands like he lives outside and has his entire life, built shelter for hier and thicker and his palms are wider But even if they weren’t, he still touches differently

I can’t get over that ins "I’ about a man who isn’t your boyfriend is nor him on your mind still," she ioes on, you’ll think about CJ less and less" She pauses, shrugging "If that’s what you want"

Our gazes lock, and I think she hears what I’ and readsinat my heart

Is it what I want?