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"What’s she hiding?" Matt asks

I wish I knew I flop back against the couch again

"She looks so fa toward the closed bathroom door He shakes his head "I wish I could place her"

She busks in the subway tunnels every day, I sign with a shrug

"It’s more than that," Paul says He shakes his head, like he’s shaking his crazy thoughts away There’s no way he could know her froain?" Matt asks

I nod

"Don’t fall in love with her," Matt warns

Paul nods his head in agreement "Fuck her and be done with her," he says

She’s not like that

Paul exhales heavily "You haven’t slept with her yet, have you?"

I slept with her I hang my head But all we did was sleep

"You’ve never slept with anyone, dumbass," Paul says

I haven’t Not sinceHer bed was alarm and smelled like her After she died, I used to crawl in her eed the sheets and took that room as his own

I know I’ve had plenty of women in my bed But none of the his temple

"He’d have to be s my knee with his "He’s already half in love with her" He looks down at his fee and then glares at me "If you don’t want her, can I ask her out?"

She’s n

He holds his hands up to fend me off "I know! I know! I said if, asshole I just wanted to see where your head is" He heaves a sigh "Apparently, you really like this one" He shakes his head "I don’t think she has bad intentions But I’m worried about you Be careful"

Matt’s in love with April But she du bitch

"She brought ht," Matt adether "That was you, puking your guts out?" Paul asks

This is Matt’s second round of chemo The first didn’t work This is his last chance He nods

Why didn’t you tell us? I ask

He scrubs a hand down his face "I’azedie," he says He grins but there’s nothing funny about it "So you don’t have to worry abouther out"

"Don’t joke about that shit," Paul bites out

"I’," Matt says He’s serious

Paul leans forward and squeezes Matt’s knee in his hand "You have to believe it’s going to work If you don’t, you don’t stand a chance"

Matt pushes forward to perch on the edge of the sofa "You guys believe fortired to do it" He gets up and goes to his roo he’s afraid?" Paul asks

I shrug It’s the first time I’ve heard him say it I look up at Paul Fear clutches ht, isn’t he?

"I don’t know," he admits He swipes a hand down his face

I pat arettes

"Matt has fking cancer, du wildly "And you want to smoke?"

I jerk the pack from my pocket and toss it across the roons dra to ht? I ask

He nods "Of course he is"

I believe hiine a life without Matt in it I won’t allowto die I just won’t If Matt can’t believe he’s going to live right now, I’ll believe enough for the two of us

Paul stands up and ruffles ie I brush his hand away "Don’t worry," he says

The starts down the hallway, and I claphis stomach "What?" he asks

"I want to talk to her," I ads "So talk"

I want to tell hi out all these years, but that’s not my story to tell It’s hers I shakes