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Chapter One

HappinessIsADirtyHashtag

SOMETIMES you just need to stop talking, and right now I should totally take that advice because the airport bartender is givingin particular Bebe is in the bathroo of our journey to spend four days and three nights on Saint Thooing and even though no one is paying any attention toet these looks a lot I can’t stand silence, it drives abber I’s, I plus things I like, I follow, and I comment

But most of all… I tweet I’ like a little blue bird froht

Even before social irl From my very first year I have been one of those butterflies Yes--I’ my hand up to stop the protests--my very first year Becausea secret intobrother’s ear

And after social irl My bestie, Bebe, and I have this whole social thing down to a science We are the champions of chatter, the proponents of prattle, the backers of blather We are the goddesses of gossip and n this shit We take bubbly optimism to a whole new virtual level Ourthe fairy tale is possible, even if you only get it online

Who needs reality anyway? Reality is being orphaned at thirteen Reality is foster homes and loneliness Reality is a risk ripe for disappointment

But thank God for Bebe and her family They welcoic, I beca and came out the other end not only intact, but better than ever

But back to ertips since they do allon Twitter--it has a mind of its own

And that mind is very dirty

Yes, my name is Grace Kinsella and I’m a filthy tweeter

I can turn a hundred and forty characters into living sex I can string words together in a way that will make you wet your panties with lust I canI airlfriends and I have an online Facebook group called the Filthy Blue Birds And we’re not the only ones The world of pithy filth is booroups like ours There are legions of shy girls who come alive when faced with the hundred-and-forty-character challenge And there is a very special place online where weeach other to achieve a new level of s

I call that Twitter list Dirty Heaven Ifounder So Dirty Heaven is dom and I’ a list, Dirty Heaven is an online coht across the world--yes, we have filthy tweeters from all walks of life At 8 PM Eastern the FT’s cohtest You get one tweet, one hashtag, and one chance to shine

I don’t win anye But back ere first putting this together my tweets took me to Dirty Heaven time after time after tihtly and the group was ser friends Each co ould benefit froirls picked models or rock stars

I only ever had one hn Asher A Hollywood legend He started out in the boy band 2 Far Out, then when his angelic voice changed as he hit puberty he graduated into Disney sitcoms Most child actors would fade after that, never able to hn Asher doubled down on the workouts--gaining the title of Most Envied Body in Hollywood six years in a row froazine--and the preteen wannabe turned into an action-hero heartthrob overnight

Just thinking his naeous That messy dark hair that ht abs that just ue all over thee, boy He’s never done any nudes so I have to use ination is vivid I have a very clear picture

Besides, you knohat they say about a hn Asher has incredible thu filthy things to his six-foot-two frame has been my idea of Dirty Heaven for al iinable about him, but that’s not true I never run out of ideas It’s like my brain only exists to compose a one-hundred-and-forty-character sentence that will turn hihn Asher doing things to

Chapter Two

ThanksForTheFuck

"I’M afraid you’re going to have to leave," I tell the dark-haired beauty crawling towards me on the floor of , butacross the floor and picking up dust I need to speak to the maids about the dust