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"I want to seeso… grown up"

"Then put it on And come downstairs We’ll eat outside since it’s nice I’ll wait for you there"

And then he backs out of my closet and I stand stock still as I hear the door close to the bedroom

I look at the clothes

I replay his words

I see his intentions

And none of it scares me

But that… scares nize myself when I look in the mirror and it takes me several ood or bad Of course, that’s hardly self-reflection Usually when one self-reflects, they come to a conclusion I don’t seee I’m happy with the way I look I as are muscular, but the dress falls all the way to the floor, so they can’t be seen My arirl But they are bronzed from the summer sun and the hairs on them are all that bleached shade of yellow that reminds me of Nick His facial hair is like that

God, I miss him Does he knohere I am? Hoill he find me now? My one-year anniversary is pretty ht even be the same day James promised to come back for me But I’m here in Santa Barbara and the twoforplace

I shake off the worries I can’t worry right now I just need a breath I just need a break

I just need to figure out who this girl in thesince I don’t do anything beyond co about? I’ve never done anything beyond co it

My face has that just-washed pink hue to it fro I don’t wear makeup, so I’m not sure if the way I look is acceptable or not

And then the shoes I have no idea what to put on my feet, so I put on some soft yellow ballet flats

Will Vincent like my choice? Do I care if he likes it? Why the fuck a?

I turn away from the mirror and walk out of the closet I’m done It’s a dress It’s a dinner I’ve worn hundreds of dresses and attended just as many dinners

I walk out of the room and make my way to the stairs He said he’d be outside, so when I reach the bottom I walk around to the back of the house and squint lass doors It’s no use The lights are on inside and out there it’s dark So I can’t see through them