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There’s soet out of bed, and pad over to the kitchen where I’ the pills I’ve avoided theh It’s not safe to go without sleep It messes with your brain Makes you see shadows of beautifulroom while you sleep It makes you wish for their ck down your throat

Holy crap, I have problems

I eat three pills, chase it ater, and then pad back over to my bed and lie down

My heart and brain slow simultaneously It’s a trick of ood twenty to thirty minutes to kick in But I sloay And it’s welcome

My eyelids droop, then close My shoulders relax as I turn onbreath

Some peace is all I want Just some peace

And my brother

But he’s gone

So I’ll have to settle for my fake sedative-induced peace

The dawn erupts with a burst of orange across the water and the day begins just like any other My feet are rocking with the waves, a gentle sway of balance I adapted to before I could walk I was born on this ship I drank my first milk on this ship Crawled the deck, slept in a berth, and learned the fine art of getting wet on this ship

And even though my childhood was perfect--sun, sand, tropical islands, snorkeling and diving, exotic food and people and destinations--it all ends today

Today we are eighteen We have never spent a night apart in our lives, but we ain

Because by the time the sun sets… only one of us will be left

I jolt awake, the tears still in my eyes I hate that dream, I hate that dream Why do I have to relive that day of all days?