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Mr Beautiful is the kind of man everyone notices Tall--my chin only careen eyes, it made his brand of dark more exotic than most And he was hard

I mentally shake myself for that Freudian slip His muscles were hard And thick

But he was hard in that other way, too

He was solid And strong And for those few ently cupping the back of ained our breath… he was everything I’ I should run from

I cross the street at the Mexican place, then walk to the side yard where a six-foot wooden gate stands guard for the building behind I work the latch, which is some stupid rope contraption that pulls a lever on the other side, and then enter the ay that leads to the hidden apart

Only four people live back here Two people live in the sround floor One older man lives in the second-floor penthouse--which is a relative term, since it’s only two stories tall, but whatever And arden-level aparth I’m the only one on this level, I share the space with the building laundry, so alley kitchenette, a bathroo room that does double duty as a bedrooht

God Where did that coot your na, walk past the laundry and into theon my person when I leave here No phone, no key, no ID When I leave this building, I aht experiirl is not noticed, does she still exist?

I grab my stashed key behind the hot water heater and make my way to my door Zero is my number For mail and stuff, my address Zero is , and not all in a negative way, either I like being nothing

I don’tzero, because when I coness, I feel safe

Being invisible Being nothing--a zero It’s good

I’m not safe, of course No one is ever safe But I need the illusion, nowhere for elevenand lonelya norain--soh he did say that too He ended the conversation with knowspecial, but it’s not infested with cockroaches so I count myself lucky I looked for that before I moved in and paid my rent up front for one year Cockroaches No That’s worse than bare feet on the street