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Breaking free would have been easy enough Gideon knew all thefor breath in ten seconds He eyed Justice Okay, ured he had a fifty-fifty chance But was that what he wanted?

Gideon relaxed on the stool, and Justice released his arirlfriend had married someone else I hated the farm I didn’t knohat to do with s, becautter, and I started to get better Then Ipast theood for me, which is who every s and loved me more than I deserved But I couldn’t love her back I couldn’t go there The scars went too deep"

He looked at Gideon "I was a fool, and I nearly lost her Ca " He so I have loved her every day since We only had seventeen years together, then cancer took her On her deathbed she ain I’ve kept that pro the truth was all he had left

"No, you don’t," Morgan told hiirl of yours and not here drinking with us Love h to hand over everything you have and take that leap of faith For utter and die You’re in the gutter, my friend The difference is, you can’t see it"

He could see it all right, Gideon thought What they didn’t get was he didn’t care He belonged here

Justice tossed a couple of bills on the bar and stood

"Patience told you?" Gideon asked as the other man turned to leave

Justice nodded "Felicia told her yesterday The woht Froaritas and ice crea, so I’d stay clear if I were you" He started to leave

"Wait" Gideon rose "Aren’t you going to hit ?"

"No need to hit a man when he’s already down"

GIDEON PUSHED THE button and started the CD track The Beach Boys’ "God Only Knows" played in the studio The sa went out on the airwaves, but he cared less about that Tonight was about searching and hopefully finding

He’d spent the day walking around town and his evening working out He was exhausted but not tired, spent but not at peace The ache inside hio away, and sleep was ian had been right--he was in a gutter and he had no way to crawl out

Without any conscious plan, he flipped the switch that activated his microphone "Today, I want to talk a little bit about the past, about my past"

He paused, not sure what to say next "Some of you know that I served in our ars I saw, that challenged everything I believed in I was taken prisoner with other men Good men who served with honor They loved their country and their fa time, I knew the reason I’d et those they’d left behind They ed for them, called out to theht they were back ho stories to their children But they weren’t They were in a cell, and I watched each of the Because I was alone and I thought that "

He didn’t have to close his eyes to see the other men They ith him, always "I don’t knohy I ged oing to risk their pain I had learned ris would have been How--

Or was that true? He’d had nothing to th, but he’d also had nothing to live for Once he’d been rescued, he’d had nothing to keep hie that he was alive

Morgan had talked about being unable to fit in and how his Audrey had saved him Would Carter have made a difference? Would Felicia?

The phone lines lit up Gideon figured he was going to get an earful and pushed the first one

"Don’t you think you’ve been punished enough?" a woman asked "Gideon, there’s no reason to bla when those other men didn’t Only God knows the answer, and if you spend too iven A chance with your son and Felicia That’s the real cri now"

He didn’t recognize the voice, and he had no idea who she was "All right," he said slowly "Uh, thanks for calling"

The second caller was a , son Thanks to all who serve Noalk away from what you did and walk tohat matters When you’re old and ready toabout what you did or what you owned You’re going to be thinking about the people you love So get to it"

There were several more calls just like that, followed by what sounded like a teenage girl requesting less "really old songs and more Justin Bieber"

"I’ll see what I can do," Gideon said with a chuckle and hung up

He leaned back in his chair This hat Felicia wanted, he thought, getting it for the first time A co an idiot and when she was on track A safety net and all the other clichés about being surrounded by people who loved you and whom you loved back

He stood, prepared to claim, to be a part of this Then the e that even though his body was alive, he’d already given up And by giving up, he was dead

The red button flashed Someone was at the back door He tore off his headphones and raced to the rear of the building When he jerked open the door, he griel raised his eyebrows "I was expecting "

His friend studied him "No I’m not who you wanted No offense, but you’re not my type, either I came to finish your shift"

"What do you mean?"

"You can’t leave dead air out there I’ve watched you put the CDs in and push the button I can do it"

"I’el shook his head "You’re as stupid as you look You’re leaving because a wo once in a lifetio after her, soiven a second chance Didn’t that guru guy in Bali teach you anything? The only way to heal what’s wrong with you inside is to love her and trust her"

"Like you know anything about being in love?" Gideon paused, belatedly reel’s wife and son had been killed "I’ flashed in Angel’s eyes A sharp pain that cut to the soul Gideon recognized it because he’d felt it hih what I did, I know you’ll regret losing Felicia until your last breath I know that you’ve finally found where you belong, and there’s no way you can stay here without her What’s that line from that stupid movie? She completes you, bro Only it’s more than that You have a woman who understands you and a kid like Carter and you’re confused?"

Gideon felt as if someone had hit him on the side of the head with a two-by-four For a second, the world went dark and quiet, and then it all cleared again He had been looking for answers about why he had survived and there were none Or maybe the ansofold: Carter and Felicia

He looked at his friend, the one who had risked his own life to pull him from that Taliban prison