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"We should live life to the fullest," Mos, and I know then that we’re more than halfway to a yes Myto lie about acco me to San Francisco, but it turns out he didn’t have to He was up for leave, and his superior officers gave hilad as I am not to have to do this alone, Theo’s presence cos in ways neither of us has to speak aloud

It’s one thing to pretend to be a couple e’re sitting on my parents’ sofa Another to carry that pretense all the way to a hotel for the weekend

"I can’t believe they’re letting you do this," Josie fu "Mom and Dad practically handed you condoms for the trip"

"It wasn’t that easy," I protest My small suitcase sits innot s "Well, there’s a war on"

Which is pretty ht, when she let ood dress--dark red, and h to aletaway, she’d said, and of course I couldn’t contradict her

The train station buzzes with activity, but I glis to us and--fulfilling his role--givesto think you’d ditched h

"Have a good ti those hotel walls even louder than mine"

Oh, oodbye to her, then crooks his elbow I slip h it Like a man and woman would if they wanted to touch each other every moment Like ere in love

9

FROM THE TRAIN WINDOWS, I FINALLY GET MY FIRST REAL look at the dahborhoods I drove through the other day--the one I walked out of on shaking legs--that see that happened in one devastated place Even though I’d learned about the war, I still couldn’t envision what that truly meant

Now I don’t have to The evidence spreads out on either side of the train

We ht from the Berkeley I know, because our train ride lasts awhile Then again, we’re ives me a chance to look around Instead of the urban sprawl of h only a few small towns, each one of which looks sadder and s; litter lines the potholed streets; and nobody see Mostly, though, the train travels through fields that look alh as the train itself, soher Vines have reclaimed what remains of old fences Nobody has far time

Often, in a new universe, I try to decide which artist would have been most likely to create a world like the one before le painter ould have created a world so gray and hopeless Though maybe Andrew Wyeth could have captured this if he’d wanted to--nature and the countryside, but strangely haunted

"How long do you think this war has been going on?" Theo says, quietly enough not to attract attention froers in the train car

"Years A decade? Maybeat the utter deadness around us--in what used to be some of the most expensive property in the entire country--I could believe the war has lasted an entire generation