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"What? On purpose?"

I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me "On purpose"

"Man, you were more fked up than I realized"

"I know"

"Guess it’s you that needs to get your head out of your ass," he said with a little laugh, but he was timid, as if he didn’t want to push me too far

"Guess it is"

"Are you?" he asked, all seriousness again

"I’ve been trying," I said "I thought I had until June Then you tella party a ood Maybe it would force me to face my demons sooner rather than later All "

I hoped it was a good thing If I told h, h of relief

"You still co by this afternoon?" I asked

"Wouldn’tup and I walked over to the desk in the living rooain My heart pounded and I closed , i about the party I replied to Yang Cai and started planning a trip to China for July Now that the entire spring and summer stretched out empty and alone, I saw no reason to put off the visit I’d probably need a distraction after the wedding anyway Another e-mail asked me to present at a conference in Florida in October Why the hell not? I’d fill up my fall schedule as well

One week before the party, I sat down and wrote out everything I wanted to say to Abby Every lie explained Every deception brought to light I laid out every penalty againsther back; I simply wanted to explain, to own up toI was stronger eress

Once, I actually stood in front of my mirror and practiced what I would say, but I looked stupid, so I stopped Instead, I transferred everything I wanted to say onto index cards and kept them in my pocket Every once in a while, I reached down to touch the cards I brushed y to Abby

A few days before the party, Elaina called while I stood into decide what to wear I’d talked to Elaina a few times since the split She had always been short--she knew, even without , that it was all my fault

"Hey, dipshit," she said

I sed "Elaina"

"You ready for this weekend?"

No, but Iit

"I spoke to her," she said, not waiting for me to answer

My heart pounded "You did?" I asked "When?"

"Last time was yesterday, but I’d spoken to her a few tiue Did I want to know? Yes I absolutely had to know "HowHow is she?"

She sighed "How do you think she is?"

Angry Upset Pissed Sad Confused

"I don’t know," I said "I want"

What did I want? I wanted her to be happy I knew in that second, though, noit, I wanted her back

I blinked back the tears that sprang tohad made me so emotional lately Emotional or not, there was the truth--I wanted her back

"She wants to kick you in the balls," she finished

I bit back a laugh "I deserve that"

"I know you do" I heard the smile in Elaina’s voice as she talked "I told her as own for the party She wants to do this her way"

That sounded like Abby Her way Her ht not even show up at the party

No She would go for Felicia That was the kind of woh it would o for her friend And since she would be there, I’d talk to her Finally

If she listened, she listened

If she kicked hts of the penthouse glowed through the s After giving my car to the valet, I stood and stared at the front of the building Abby was on the other side of those doors

I took five steps toward the doorway and stopped Then I turned and took four steps back to the valet

Story of your life, West Two steps forward, one step back End it End it here

End it now

So I turned, but stood un the door It opened, and Jackson caed down the ay to rinned sheepishly "Thought you ht need a little pep talk"

"Pep talk?"

He threw an ar forward "I know it’s ive you some moral support" He stopped, turned toward oodfor you inside Now, I don’t knohat happened between the two of you, and I really don’t care What I care about is the two of you working it out, okay?"

I crushed hiuess uess h his chest muffled my voice, he could still hear me "I owe you more than I can ever repay If you hadn’t foundto think back

He pulled back "But I did, so no worries"

I clapped his back "No worries"

We walked together through the door

Once inside, Jackson trotted off to find Felicia Todd h a crowd of people

"Hell, I don’t even know most of these people," he said as he finally ?" I sounded calm, but my voice cracked at the end, and I broke out in a cold sweat just thinking aboutinto the main room

"Good," he said "Listen, Melanie’s here I don’t think she’s going to do anything to embarrass you, but I wanted you to know I’ht about her being here

"Don’t worry," I said "I’ht to Abby and ask her to talk"

That was ht to Abby Ask her to talk My fingers danced over the cards in ht inside Talking to Linda"

I gave hihtened my shoulders, and ht as I entered Todd hadn’t been kidding Who were all these people? My eyes scanned the faces before me

Where was she?