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She took another step back--alain

"Abby?" I asked, but she had disappeared "Abby?"

The curtains swayed

"Abby, co warm and soft and wet licked my cheek I shook ain

I looked around the library

Empty

It had been a dream

A damn dream

She hadn’t co back

I pushed Apollo away and reached for lass Where was it? I stood up, and lass Fuck

I left the sip and dropped that glass to the floor too Watched it shatter into hundreds of pieces

Just like my life

Just like lass and drained it within ain to the --to where Abby had stood in my dream Like I expected her to be there To appear out of thin air Like she’d just breeze into my house and make her way back into the library as if I hadn’t ripped her fking heart out

It was as if I looked at the library through a thick haze Everything was blurred and distorted My h--my mind worked with the utmost clarity, for I remembered every second Abby and I had ever spent in the library

There, on the floor, where we had our ned picnic

There, on the couch, where she had stripped herself bare for me

And there, on the piano bench, where she’d taken rabbed h, I could rip the ht out of ether--Abby and , standing in the poetry section, the rose I gave her

She had never asked me about the rose

Why not?

Would it haveabout the rose She fking knew everything She knew about Melanie, for fk’s sake

My cell phone vibrated I took it from my pocket and squinted at the screen

Jackson?

I didn’t want to talk to him I dropped the phone to the floor and my eyes scanned the library The fireplace was empty

I saw the consu poetry Everything

I laughed Wouldn’t take et ered into the kitchen, not quite sure why the floor keptthe way it did Made it hard to walk I yanked a drawer out and the contents poured onto the floor

So pounded in the other rooone and would never coet better Had to fix it ers wrapped around the matchbox Just what I needed

I took theback to the library Just needed a little help from the wall so I could make it down the hall I heard footsteps behind hed He could join

"Nathaniel?"

Damn, he was fast How’d he ht outside the library

"Concongra" I waved the matches in the air "Besss wisssses on your" What was the word? "Yeah"

"Holy fk," the blob that was Jackson said "You’re trashed"

I turned and stepped into the library

"What are you doing?" he asked

"Burning"

"Burning what?" He trotted along beside rabbed ? What have you done to this place?"

I laughed

"Nathanielfk" He shookand tried to focus on his face I had to get this next part out "Sheleftme"

The pain in my heart exploded, and I stu on the brandy The glass cut into my knees

Yes That was better The pain in h

I pressed lass into my palm

I held my hand up to Jackson

"Da back" I watched as blood spilled out ofbaccckkk"

The rooain For a split second, all ith ain

Abby was gone Forever

I couldn’t decide which hurt more--my head or my heart

"Nathaniel?" Jackson asked from somewhere