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But I do I sit like a statue, i My brain is relentlessly de I find a way to stop this – not just now, but stop it back then He drops to his knees on the floor I could be having an out-of-body experience I can see uish Miller’s head is dropped, and I gasp when a man appears from the bottorabs Miller by the throat He looks well dressed, a black suit adorning his tall body, and though I can’t see his face, I knoith perfect clarity what his facial expression is Supreance in the worst possible way

I continue to torturemyself that this is a breeze co The unknown man continues to hold Miller by the throat as he yanks at the belt of his trousers I knohat’s co to my feet He takes a hold of himself, shifts his other hand to Miller’s cheeks, and squeezes until he’s forced to open his ins to thrust like a deranged , powerful oes on and on and on No a sobs stop the hideousness playing out before er’s head drops back a little and he slon, circling into Miller’sfurther when I actually see Miller s Then like nothing has happened, the guy zips up, pushes Miller roughly to the side, and strolls out

Every scrap of breath leaves s on a quiet whimper as I watch Miller lie motionless on the floor, not a whistle of hishim in myhie, sadness, every emotion possible, and it’s all for hiet up and leave ‘Run away,’ I beg ‘Leave’

But he doesn’t Not for the longest time He only moves when another man appears from the same place asthe new ain in a suit ‘No, Miller, please!’ Theuy, except this one strokes Miller’s cheek My hand is back overback the nausea He starts to undo his trousers ‘No!’ I swing around, searching for the remote control I can’t watch anypillow after pillow across the roo to sweat – aout on the screen behindit under the table Dropping toit at the television, but er doesn’t stab at the stop button It just hovers above it, twitching as my wide eyes watch Miller’s hands come from behind his back and yank his blindfold fro back to my arse His eyes are revealed They’re hollow Eers back in shock, frantically working at his trousers as Miller rises to his feet, danger co from every naked pore He said he killed aasto happen and I can’t even be sorry for the sadistic thrill I know I’ it play out Miller in this footage may not be as physically lean and cut, but it would be foolish to underesti froht, no hint of anger evident at all He looks completely composed He’s a robot Ahiuy’s hands coages, ready to pounce

And then the screen goes blank

I gasp, frantically stabbing at the play button on the remote control That can’t be it! I need to see hie ‘Play, da the button, nothing happens ‘Fuck you!’ I screa the remote control across the rooainst the front of one of Miller’s paintings, shattering the glass sheet protecting the canvas I whirl around, heaving and shaking I feel cheated ‘Miller,’ I exhale, bolting across his flat and running like an unhinged nut down the corridor towards his studio

Bursting through the door clu on the edge of his old worn couch, elbows braced on his knees, his face in his palms But shocked wide blue eyes are revealed quickly I see life in thee, and none of which were there e first met It’s all evolved since we’ve found each other, and I’d rather walk the fiery depths of hell than see it all lost A painful sob fights pasthih my blurry vision

‘Olivia?’ He starts forward tentatively, frowning He’s shocked I’m still here

I launch ether hard, and would probably hurt if there wasn’t another agony consu ‘I’ hi myself to him