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As soon as I get out of the club and into the silence of"You scared the shit out of ine and wait forme she’s on speakerphone, I put the car in drive and say, "Just driving around…thinking"

I hear her blow out a gust of syet ho Have you gone over the applicants I picked out for you?"

My hands tighten on the steering wheel, and a tiny pain shoots through nore it and tell her, "Not yet"

"Tomorrow," Delaney says sternly "You have tothat the ti is over "I proood"

I don’t say anything else, ht of culling through her final recommendations for a nanny for Ben Because that means this is final…that Gina is really dead and Ben’sthe final nail in her coffin

"I love you," Delaney says, almost desperately, into the phone

I bite my lip…hard, and feel my tooth slice down into the delicate flesh "Back at ya," I say, my voice harsh and raspy

Words of love to my older sister--the woman who has been my rock-solid support the last four months since Gina died--unable to materialize I disconnect the call and stare blankly out the windshield I’m practically on autopilot as I drive home

Out of the silence of my car, an unbidden, sarcastic snort bursts forth fro tojoke

My five-bedroom house on Marchand Street feels like a prison, the walls closing in onht I can’t escape uilt devours hout the house, and every day, rather than rise above et sed up in it a little deeper I hate that fucking house now, and I’ve prettywill help leave the ghosts behind and give Ben and me a fresh start

If it wasn’t for Ben…