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I sed or why, but I needed to Even if I ht not like the answer "What happened?" I asked him
He lifted my hand, my wrist, and held it out in answer
"They think I tried to kill myself," I said
Noah closed his eyes For the first time ever, he looked like he was in pain
"Do you?" I asked him
The muscles in his throat worked "No," he said "I saw--I saw everything I saw Jude"
When he opened his eyes, his expression was vacant again A smooth, unreadable mask I was reminded of a different conversation we shared under very different circu happens and you’re not there?" I had asked hiuilty and horrified after we returned from the zoo
"I’ll be there," Noah had said, his voice clear and sure
"But what if you’re not?"
"Then it would be my fault"
Was that what this was? I looked up at him now and shook my head "It’s not your fault"
"Actually," he said with unparalleled bitterness, "it is"
But before Noah could say anything else, a counselor interrupted us, and ere ushered away
57
WE HAD NO TIME ALONE THE rest of the day Noah was shuttled froan and the other teenerally languish in solitude I met a few permanents, who didn’t see shot
When we finally sat down for dinner, I dropped down into a seat across from Noah A few boys I didn’t knoell shared the table, but they weren’t too close
I was desperate to talk to him I had so much I wanted to say
He was so close, but too far away to touch My fingertips ached with the need to feel him, solid and warave a single shake of his head I bit my lip I could screa and needed hi on a napkin with a crayon--he must have stolen it frolanced up, then around, then down at the e as discreetly as I could
Music studio 1 am
"But--" I whispered
Trust ht away as I finished dinner that evening across from a silent, unusually sullen Stella She picked at her food and every now and then, her eyes would sweep the roo she excused herself, leaving azed out the thick, distorted s at every opportunity The darkness nipped at the heels of the sunset, waiting to s it
The sounds of silverware clinking against ceramic dishes died away as the sun sank below the horizon Counselor Wayne ca meds in tiny little paper cups, just like in Miami
Stella sed hers in front of htly with the lanced up and saw Jalass too His Adam’s apple bobbed, and Wayne moved on