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When I arrived on the beach, Noah was flawless Now his tie was loose, his cuffs were undone, sand and sea had ruined his five-thousand-dollar suit, and his hair had been ravaged byand his velvet lips were swollen from mine

This was the boy I loved A little bit messy A little bit ruined A beautiful disaster

Just like me

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IT FELT LIKE THE WEIGHT OF MY WORLD DISSOLVED with that kiss

It wasn’t feather-light, like the others It ild and dark It was incredible

And Noah was still here

I wore the goofiest grin on the ride back to theand didn’t want to After both of us had changed into our normal clothes and I returned his mother’s necklace so that it would stay safe, e decided was this:

I was right Soht I didn’t hurt him the way I was sure I would

I didn’t know if it was because he was listening for soe, maybe, or if it was because I really couldn’t hurt him, just like he said I was thrilled that he was okay, obviously Deliriously so But it shook my confidence in my memory a little--I couldn’t help but wonder if ined or hallucinated that first kiss in his bed I told Noah as much, but he took my hands and looked into my eyes and told me to trust myself, and to trust my instincts, too I tried to coax ain

I could spend the rest ofhim, I think

I was buoyant the rest of the weekend We had answered one question out of a thousand, but it was a happy answer I wanted to believe that after everything I’d been through, I deserved it

Noah seemed different, too He told me he brokered a deal to buy the security tapes from the carnival people to resolve one way or another whether Roslyn Ferretti was bribed, and if so, by whom He also wanted to fly to Providence and try to find out ator, to see if he could learnhad happened since John started watching the house, and I didn’t need to be attached to Noah every second The fake fortune-teller’s words mattered less to me now that I knew I couldn’t hurt him, and so I in turn cared less about theered on ht, and I s around his neck I loved that he earingmy parents, apparently

"We’re really proud of you, Mara,""Yourabout the retreat this week and we decided that if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to"

The Horizons retreat; part of the evaluation I was signed up for--to see if I would be better suited to the residential prograuess now it didn’t o

I was shocked but thrilled by this developht this on?"

Dad shook his head "We never wanted you to live so you hooal I had no protest

The thing about happiness, though, is that it never lasts

When I walked into Horizons I was handed a worksheet, which turned out to be a test A sociopath test, if the questions were any indication It was obvious which answer you were supposed to provide when pronly, growing slightly uncomfortable about the fact that most of my real ansere not particularly nice

Do you lie or et what you want?

A) Sometimes

B) Rarely

C) Often

D) Never

Often "Rarely," I circled