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I want to close ht and never be afraid that I’ll open the safe in my bed and never worry that I’ve been anywhere else
"I don’t know," I said out loud, and e "I’ control"
I’ myself
The idea was a splinter in , even when I wasn’t conscious of it Even when I wasn’t thinking about it
Like Jude
Noah held aze "I won’t let that happen"
"You can’t stop it," I said,"All you can do is watch"
It was a few seconds before Noah finally spoke "I have been, Mara" His voice was aggressively blank
My eyes filled with infuriating tears "What do you see?" I asked hier Terrified, terrorized, and weak Was that what he saw too?
I drew ed with steel "Tell me what you see Because I don’t knohat’s real and what isn’t or what’s new or different and I can’t trust myself, but I trust you"
Noah closed his eyes "Mara"
"You knohat?" I said, crossing ether "Don’t tell ht not reet better, let e a little bit every day and never knoho I was until after I’one"
Noah’s eyes were still closed and the planes of his face were smooth, but I noticed that his hands had curled into fists "You cannot fatho able to help you"
And he couldn’t fatho help Noah said before that I wasn’t broken but I was, and he was learning that he couldn’t fix me But I didn’t want to be the injured bird who needed healing, the sick girl who needed sympathy Noah was different like me but he wasn’t broken likeAlways in control And even though he’d seen the worst of me, he wasn’t afraid of me
I wished I wasn’t afraid ofelse
Noah stood beside his bed, his body taut with tension
I wanted to feel in control I wanted to feel him
"Kiss me," I said My voice was sure
Noah’s eyes opened, but he didn’t e whether or not I meant it He didn’t want to push me before I was ready
So I had to show him that I was
I pulled him fiercely into his soft bed and he did not protest I rolled beneath him and he braced hie
We were forehead to forehead Froth of his lashes, the way they skinore the shape of his mouth, the curve of his lips when he said my name
It was impossible not to want to taste them