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I couldn’t speak I didn’t knohat to say

"It washard growing up with her, soist I wanted to help" My mother’s voice trailed off, and then she see there Her face flushed with color

"Oh, sweetheart--I didn’t mean to--to make her sound that way" She was flustered "She was a wonderful mother and an incredible person; she was artistic and creative and so much fun And she always made sure I was happy She cared so er what they kno, I thinkit would have turned out differently" She sed hard, then looked straight at me "But she isn’t you You’re not the sas like that can run in fa you did, and everything that happened--the asylum, all of it--it is not your fault The best therapists are here, and you’re going to get the best help"

"What if I get better?" I asked quietly

Her eyes briet better You will And you’ll have a normal life I swear to God," she said, quietly, seriously, "you’ll have a nor "Do you have to send me away?"

She bit her lower lip and inhaled "It’s the last thing I want to do, baby But I think, if you’re in a different environment for a little while, with people who really know about this stuff, I think it’ll be better for you"

But I could tell by the tone of her voice, and the way it wavered, that she wasn’t decided She wasn’t sure Which ht be able tothis conversation I had work to do And I couldn’t do it with her here

I yawned, and blinked slowly

"You’re exhausted," she said, studying my face

I nodded

"You’ve had the week from hell The year froet through this I promise"

I smiled beatifically at her "I know"

She smoothed my hair back and then turned to leave

"Mom?" I called out "Will you tell Dr West that I want to talk with her?"

She beamed "Of course, honey Take a nap, and I’ll let her know to stop by and check on you in a bit, okay?"

"Thanks"

She paused between the chair and the door She looked conflicted

"What’s wrong?" I asked her

"I just--" she started, then closed her eyes She ran her hand over her mouth "The police told us yesterday that you said Jude assaulted you before the building collapsed I just wanted--" She took a deep breath "Mara, is that true?"

It was true, of course When ere alone together in the asyluh I told him to stop He pressed me into the wall Pushed me Trapped me Then I hit him, and he hit me back

"Oh, Mara," my mother whispered

The truth must have been evident on my face because before I decided how to answer her, she rushed back to me "No wonder this has been even harder--the dual trauma, you must have felt so--I can’t even--"

"It’s okay, Molassy, full eyes

"No, it isn’t But it will be" She leaned down to kissa sad sht Dr West would be back soon, and I needed to get it together

I needed to convince her--theerously close to having schizophrenia or so equally scary and perure out as going on Figure out what to do about Jude