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I don’t give her a second to respond I climb slowly from the couch and toss my iPad down in the seat "You can stay with ain We’ll leave in the "

I walk out of the rooe-filled self-loathing pity party When I’m finally able to drift off to sleep, I’m awoken what feels like minutes later covered in sweat, ain that I was back in my past Only this time when I sat in the hospital bed and listened to my mother lay intoher life

Chapter 15--Emmy

We’ve been home for a feeeks now At first, I wouldn’t leave the aparth I had co one of my best friends, it didn’t mean that I was necessarily ready toeasier to deal with each day

One of the hardest parts of being back was my strained relationship with Maddox We’ve hardly spoken to each other since that last day at the cabin Chipped responses here and there and notes on the counter telling me that he wouldn’t be hoirls that he had been sleeping at the office while they finished up their dealings with Dos haven’t been any easier since that

Right when they let their guard down, Chelcie was put in harain I don’t remember much from my standoff with Sarah Jane It’s al an out-of-body experience I can see the events of that day playing out, but I can’t tell you how I knehat to do Izzy told me that she thinks it was Coop who’dto see Chelcie that day I had planned on apartive her her gift right that second The rest was either just da

I like to think thatsure that his son was okay

The night after the shoith Sarah Jane was the worst When the adrenaline crashed and I realized that I had actually shot another hus were not pretty I went fro mess curled into a ball in the shower

Maddox blaain for having ht and it ended in another rough crashing together of our bodies This tiet up from the floor and leave hiht We keep coether for a reason, but I’ve started to realize that I h his beliefs I can’t think of a way tohim no, to stay away and keep me out But his heart--God, his beautiful heart--keeps calling out toback for ht now I’iven--but I’ve also started to lose my faith I’ve lost the way to et it back I’ it would be better if I just throw in the towel and leave Not run, but go soht So for someone who refuses to considera horse when he’s already down Every time he rejects me and my heart shatters more, I just knoon’t recover froht, we need to actually be social and not kill each other, so I told hiht all day today, and this ti This time when I screamed in his face that I hated him, I almost believed it--and I could tell by the look that flashed across his face that he did too And that terrified ive him the words’

So now here we are, on the way to Asher and Chelcie’s house for ‘faetting out of control Hell, I have no business being out in public with the thoughts I keep thinking I want to take Maddox by the neck and shake some sense into his thick scull

I put a brave face on for Chelcie I s down around me, but every time my eyes lock with Maddox’s, I’ this pain The fact that he keeps pushing me away is why I’ve turned into a head case

Then, as if things couldn’t get worse, I have the oes fro hi after Sarah Jane I watch her place her arm on his cheek and he doesn’t pull away I should feel bad about eavesdropping, but the fact that he isn’t pulling away froh for me

He’s let her in

He’s let in so ro o of that pain inside you, you’re going to understand what I ive in you" Chelcie’s words hurt She’s right--I know that because I’ve seen that love he has the capability of--but it still doesn’tthat it probably is not meant to be with us

I can’t see his face, but I watch Chelcie’s eyes widen in shock Oh I knohat she saw--the truth She saw his pain clear as day The pain he keeps away fro to suffer alone and not let anyone close enough to help

"Yeah, sweetheart Maybe you’re right"

His words are He really doesn’t want me Hell, maybe he does believe that he can love so so untouchable But… he clearly doesn’t feel like I’ hih

With ht past me He doesn’t even look in my direction I’m completely invisible