Page 19 (1/2)

"What are you thinking?" Maddox asks, letting his stoic exterior slip His head is cocked slightly, his brows furrowed and his lips pursing He has no idea how attractive he is either, which just adds to his appeal

"How better off they would have been if Coop had never found

"Don’there, but repeating what I was thinking Things would be so different if that day hadn’t happened"

"Yeah, you’re daetting so pissed, Mad I thought it I can’t exactly control hts I was the one he took that bullet for Take et Coop THAT is what you get"

He shakes his head and moves to pull me closer, but I step away from him His nostrils flare and his jaitches, but he doesn’t say anything

"You really believe that, don’t you?"

I nod my head and he drops his I watch as he runs his hand over his scalp and clasps the back of his neck I can hear hi to himself but can’tto you If you hadn’t have been there, there would have been a handful of different situations One, he would have stepped in front of Dee Two, he would have been late walking in and Dee would have been there alone We could have had anyone sitting in your desk and it wouldn’t have mattered to Coop He would have juet was That’s just who he was, and I know deep fucking down you know I’s that could have happened and be thankful that you’re alive and knew hi when he finishes, and before I can open ht out the door

I know he’s right I’ve been using er with ht after he died The pain of losing someone so dear to me There isn’t a fear I’ve known inmaniac I think a small part of myself will always feel somewhat responsible for his death because of the fact that he died saving ht I should be focusing on the fact that I even knew hi that period was

"Chin up, buttercup" Oh, the irony

With no idea where I am or what I’m supposed to do if he doesn’t come back, I settle into the bed and flip on the television I focus on the progra like some hilarious rip-off of Toddlers and Tiaras I watch but allow one for al in What kind of friend doesn’t even give a thought to those left behind?

Maybe Maddox is right Maybe I should go back But how do I do that when I’o back until I knoith no doubt that I’m fixed It’s ti in the fear of the unknown

Maddox comes back an hour later His mood is much better and his arms are full of food We sit in a somewhat comfortable silence while we eat For hiure out if I’o back to Syn, where I’ve always felt like I would end up rotting away inall that bullshit?" he asks between er