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She’s right; I played ga to protect her, all I did was screith herform, and for the first time since we lost Coop and she ran, I allow e I let go of the bone-crushing thought that she’s going to disappear and allow myself to feel It would be easy to take what she was so willing to giveon ates open wide, I let the love I feel for this woher away, but how do you take soo and e your whole outlook on life with just a hope that everything you’ve ever experienced fro?
"Em?"
She doesn’t even flinch I remember that, when I saw her earlier, she looked exhausted I know she’s been dealing with a lot fro Coop Hell, we all have, but the E fro fro has been drivingsore from overuse, and I know I did too ood about not overdoing it I can go about my life almost the same as before, but so one of those ti offher door open I adjust her and take the brunt of her weight, as slight as itmy way into the hotel It’s the nicest place I could find within a thirty-minute drive of Syn, and it’s only five I would have gotten so nicer, but I didn’t want to be too far froh that I hadn’t physically seen her to make sure she was okay in weeks, so this was the best-case scenario for me
I et the door open and not drop Em, and then settle her down on the bed Not one second does she stir, showingout, I brush one of her honey-blond strands behind her ear Her lips twitch and she sighs in her sleep My heart picks up speed when she murmurs my name Even in her sleep, she’s coo of every fear I’ve ever known and trust that this ht be the one person I don’t co offis already feeling slightly better now that I know I’ll be able to get off ht I carefully move my body towards where she is curled into herself in the -sized bed She continues to sleep contentedly as I pull her into my body and yank the covers over our bodies With as tired as she is, I just hope that I can catch a few hours of sleep before I need to putback on I don’t want her to know before I have a chance to ease her into it It’s been my experience that, when they aren’t prepared for it, the shock is greater, and as much as it hurts to think that she could have this reaction, they’re sousted by it But, like it or not, it’s part of who I a to let her in, then she needs to see me for me--flaws and all
In all the years I’ve known her and drea that could ever have preparedher here
I should have known better than to let , the events that have hauntedout in an endless loop Only this time, it isn’t Morris’s lifeless body I pull away--it’s Eet worse until I envisioned her lying there, dead
Gasping for air, I try to bring led web of pain that always follows htmares I try to remember that I’m not back there, I’ve overcome the aftermath of that dark day, and I’m in control now I’m alive Emmy is alive
FUCK! Emmy…
As trepidation fills my veins with ice-cold fear, I look over to her and prepare myself for her revolution I try to close off myself to what it will do if she hates me now--or worse, if she fears me My world is rocked to its very core when I take in her pale, tear-streaked face Her sobs are so violent that they’re shaking the bed, and for the first time since she walked into
We stare at each other for the longest time She seems unsure of what to do and say I’ to crack Seeing the pain I’ve caused yet another person because ofme I knew this would happen I feared this But despite my best efforts, here we are and she’s seen me atthat I hadn’t shaved it off so that I would at least have so to pull Toheart
When I feel her cold hand againsther to pull her arm back and cry harder
"Please…please don’t push s between her tears "I can’t help you if you don’t letmy head around, I hold her eyes and try to make sense of her words Push her away? Jesus… I’ve never wantedthat weighs me down
"Let Me In," she pleads "Please let me in"
"God, Em You’ve always been in"
She lets out a shuddered breath and takes a hesitant inch towardsbody moves sloith the fear I’ve helped plant in her mind that I’ll reject her I’ve done this to her and I vow to do my best to never make her doubt my need for her
Her hand coain, her pal my cheek as she takes the last few scoots on her knees to reach me My eyes never leave hers as I reach out and finally meet her in the middle I can see the relief in her eyes when, for the first tiin when I curl it around her ribs and pull her into my chest