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Peter closes his eyes briefly "Why does it ht in the woods How he looked surprised to seefor her He still is "If I hadn’t gone out to apologize that night, would you have kissed her?"

He doesn’t answer right away "I don’t know"

Those three words confir for me They take my breath away "If I windo you knohat I would wish for?" Don’t say it, don’t say it Don’t say the thing you can’t take back "I’d e never started any of this" The words echo in et small; so does his ht so, but now, looking at his face, I’aht now if you want it"

I reach out, put both hands on his chest My eyes fill "You’re out Who do you have?" I already know the answer

"Genevieve"

I stand up "Bye, Peter" And then I walk into my house and shut the door I don’t look back, not once

We broke so easily Like it was nothing Like ere nothing Does that mean it was never meant to be in the first place? That ere an accident of fate? If ere uess the answer is, eren’t

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PETER AND ME, OUR BREAKUP, it’s all so very high school By that I , finite Even the sharp sting of this betrayal I should hold on to and remember and cherish, because it is my first true breakup It’s all just part of it, the process of falling in love And it’s not like I thought we’d stay together forever; we’re only sixteen and seventeen One day I will look back on all of this fondly

This is what I keep tellingin bed that night, cryingaway my tears This well of sadness, it starts with Peter but it doesn’t end there

Because over and over one thought runs in my head on a loop: I miss my mother I miss myht tea, she would sit at the foot of ers through my hair, and whisper in my ear, It will all be fine, Lara Jean It will all be fine And I would believe her, because her words were always true

Oh, Mommy How I miss you Why aren’t you here, when I need you most?

So far I’ve saved a napkin Peter drew a little sketch of my face on, a ticket stub froave me on Valentine’s Day The necklace Of course the necklace I haven’t been able to bring myself to take it off Not yet

I lie in bed all day Saturday, only getting up for snacks and to let Jamie out to pee in the backyard I fast-forward to the sad parts of ro up with a plan to take Genevieve out, but I can’t It hurts every tiame, of Peter most of all I resolve to put it out of my mind until I can really concentrate

John textsmyself to reply I put that off for later too

The only tio to Belleview for a party planning co on Stormy’s part, Janette has okayed o on, breakups be damned

Stormy says the whole retirement community is abuzz about it She’s particularly excited because there’s been talk that Ferncliff, the other big nursing hoht bus over soible er that she knows froets the other feuished silver," she keeps telling everyone "He still drives, too!" Ito build exciteet five "war bonds," which you can use for a cup of whiskey punch, a little flag pin, or a dance That was Mr Morales’s idea Actually, his exact idea was one war bond for a dance with a lady, but we all slapped hi sexist and said that it should be a dance with a matic as ever, said, "There will be many e anyway"

I’ve been going fro people to lend pictures from the forties if they have them, especially in uniform or at a USO party One resident sniffed at me and said, "Excuse me, but I was six in 1945!" Hastily I told her that pictures of her parents would be welco the door into the Oldies has turned into a de facto dance-planning co roup and is Internet savvy, is clipping news articles from the war to decorate the refresh on the playlist

Alicia will have a little table of her own She’s arland, all different-colored papers, lilac and peach and turquoise and floral Stormy balked at the deviation from the red, white, and blue theme, but Alicia held firm and I backed her up Classy as always, her pictures of Japanese Americans in internment caoing to bring the e-whispers to me

Alicia whirls around "These pictures are athers herself up to her full five feet three inches, five-six in heels "Alicia, did you just calla lot of work into this party, and she’s been a little extra Storht now I’m about to plead for peace when Alicia fixes Stormy with a steely look and says, "If the asp Then Stormy stalks over to Alicia’s table and sweeps Alicia’s paper cranes to the floor with a flourish Alicia screaain Everyone else in the roo her side? She just called s, but I anorant"