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When ere little, the boys never put the seat down, and they still didn't It was a constant reminder that I was different, that I wasn't one of theh It used to be that they left water all over the place, either fro careless Now that they shaved, they left their little chin hairs all over the sink The counter was croith their different deodorants and shaving creane than I had perfuht me for Christar and leirlfriend picked it out He wasn't good at that sort of thing Anyway, I didn't leave my perfume in the bathroom mixed in with all their stuff I kept it on the dresser in my rooht it with ht

After dinner I stayed downstairs on the couch and so did Conrad He sat there across frouitar with his head bent

"So I heard you have a girlfriend," I said "I heard it's pretty serious"

"My brother has a big mouth" About a month before we'd left for Cousins, Jeremiah had called Steven They were on the phone for a while, and I hid outside Steven's bedroo Steven didn't say a whole lot on his end, but it seemed like a serious conversation I burst into his roo about, and Steven accuseda nosy little spy, and then he finally told irlfriend

"So what's she like?" I didn't look at him when I said this I was afraid he'd be able to see how much I cared

Conrad cleared his throat "We broke up," he said

I alht, you are a heartbreaker" Iin my head and in the air like some kind of declaration

He flinched "She du up with Conrad I wondered what she was like Suddenly she was this co, actual person in my mind "What was her nah Then, "Aubrey Her name is Aubrey"

"Why did she break up with you?" I couldn't help irl? I pictured someone with pale white blond hair and turquoise eyes, someone with perfect cuticles and oval-shaped nails I'd always had to keep mine short for piano, and then after I quit, I still kept them short, because I was used to theuitar and stared off into space ed" "And did you?"

"I don't know Everybody changes You did" "How did I change?"

He shrugged and picked up his guitar again "Like I said, everybody changes"

Conrad started playing the guitar in uitar He'd sit there, stru attention, only halfway present He'd hu TV, or playing cards, and he'd be stru For what, I didn't know All I kneas that it took time away fro out his headphones so I had one and he had the other Our heads touched "Isn't it a?"

"It" was Pearl Jam Conrad was as happy and enthralled as if he had discovered them himself I'd never heard of the I'd ever heard I went out and bought Ten and listened to it on repeat When I listened to track five, "Black," it was like I was there, in that ot back hoht the sheet ht one day I could accompany Conrad and we could be, like, a band Which was so stupid, the suet one for the summer house, so I could practice, but ht when I couldn't sleep, I'd sneak downstairs and go for a swi until I felt tired When I went to bed, my muscles felt nice and sore but also shivery and relaxed I loved bundling myself up after a swim in one of Susannah's cornflower blue bath sheets--I'd never even heard of bath sheets before Susannah And then, tiptoeing back upstairs, falling asleep with my hair still wet You sleep so well after you've been in the water It's like no other feeling

Two suhts she'd sithmy laps, and I'd feel her dive in and start to swim on the other side of the pool We wouldn't talk; we'd just swi to have her there It was the only ti

Back then, because of the che all the time No one saw her without it, not even , cara didn't even co, the best rew back, she kept it short, cut right below her chin It was pretty, but it wasn't the sa at her now, you'd never knoho she used to be, with her hair long like a teenager, like ht of the suet used to h I'd slept in it pretty much every summer of my life I tossed and turned for a while, and then I couldn't stand it any suit, old stripes and the racerback It was ht, everything felt soto myself breathe in and out, itLike I could swim forever

I swam back and forth a few times, and on the fourth lap, I started to flip turn, but I kicked so He was sitting on the edge of the pool with his feet dangling in

He'd been watching arette

I stayed underwater up tosuit was too s out of the water with hi?" I asked accusingly "And what are you doing down here anyway?"

"Which do you wantConrad look on his face, the one that drove me crazy