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Clearly, going to the wedding of theto be discussed
"You knohat I think you should do," Allison drawled in her glorious Louisiana accent as she fondled a black lace bra "Put soh-test laxatives in their drinks I can prescribe you a little so on that front, darlin’ Or, even better, cut up a jalapeño right before the reception, see, and then rub it all over your hands--" she pantomimed this action "--and then touch their eyes Hellfire and daonna touch their eyes?" Shelayne asked "But actually, Erab his junk, that would be fantastic We had a case in the ER for that last year It was hilarious Well, to us nurses, anyway"
"Yeah So tee in Shelayne’s hands "But I probably won’t"
"Try those on, Eet a pairsuit?" Em asked
"Mandatory water sports" Grace clucked "Who ever heard of such a thing at a wedding?"
"Exactly," Emmaline said
"Shush, child," Allison said "We showed you et in there and show us your boobies"
"This is so hu into the dressing roosin the other
Emmaline yanked her MPD sweatshirt over her head and took off her jeans Put on the bathing suit, which was one of those "look ten pounds lighter" types, praise Jesus But when she’d tried it on the first tie to be unre from the miraculous fabric apparently minimized her bust as well as her stomach
Enter Ta-Ta Ta-Dahs
The Ta-Ta Ta-Dahs looked like raw chicken fillets Their purpose: to boost the girls The brsts Yeah
Erihed, then hefted her left breast and stuck the thing underneath Flinched It was cold Silicone, the package said Maybe Eular chicken brsts It would cost less than these She slid the right one in and looked
Well, well They worked Ta-dah indeed
She went out to show the group
"Hello!" Allison said "We have liftoff, people"
"How do they feel, E back into my clothes now You people have had your fun"
A little while later, seated around a table at the Olive Garden and sucking down Peach Sunrises that weren’t nearly as good as Grace’s, E a date," she admitted "You know anyone?"
"Jack Holland," ca?"
"No, no," Jeanette said She worked at Blue Heron and was therefore the resident expert on the Hollands "He just does that kind of thing You need a date, he’ll go"
"Not Jack," Emmaline said
"Why? He’s so handsoer And he saved all those kids! I s pulsate when I think about his" This was from Grace, as on her third drink At least she wasn’t driving
"Jack took ," Shelayne said "He’s a perfect date Gorgeous, we all know that, but he can also hold a conversation, he s on the dance floor When we got home, he kissed me on the cheek I offered sex, but he turned s weren’t even hurt"
"His ex-wife is back in town," Allison said Em already knew this--Faith had stopped by the police station, presumably so Levi could kiss her and put his hand on her stoestures of devotion, and spilled the news
"His wife?" Grace asked "The Southern belle? The blonde? When we did Sound of Music, I begged her to play Liesl, but she waswell You know" She dropped her voice to a stage whisper "Not friendly" This was about as ot
"Her naeous She caift shop at Blue Heron the other day So stylish"
Emmaline remembered Jack’s wife--tiny and blonde, as helpless and adorable as a newborn bunny Once, they’d been at the grocery store at the same time, and Em had realized it was Mrs Jack Holland because of the accent (s else to talk about) Es, her Ben & Jerry’s threatening to topple out Gerard Chartier had seen E, said an amiable hello, then practically tra bag, which seeot really chilly, and fast," Jeanette added with great relish "Honor froze her out with that stare of hers, and Hadley got the point She practically ran out the door"
"Who in her right mind would cheat on Jack Holland?" Allison asked
"If Jack had a vagina," Grace said, "he could belong to our book club"
"No more Sunrises for you," Emmaline said "Back to h on his mind" Also, he was too beautiful for a uys know anyone else?"
"I’ll ask Charles’s cousin," Allison said The cookie jar–inspired divorce had not stopped Allison and Charles fro every day "He’s a man He must know other men"
Talk turned to what Eo on a crash diet beforehand, if she should color her hair and slut it up or, just toher hair a week beforehand