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"What?" Her blue eyes ide "Why?

"Because life’s a bitch, that’s why" I exhaled a bitter laugh

After the punch I threw last week, the judge decided I’d fulfilled my commitment and let me off the hook today I saw , but I hadn’t seen the last of hi I said I told her about the trouble after she left for France--how I ot hit by his foster dad, and how the judge cut ot up and walked back over to the French doors, leaving her on the bed to absorb everything

"So that’s where you go," she finally said "To Stateville Prison in Crest Hill"

Crest Hill?

Shethe last nightt My as for tax time Shit was scattered all over my room

"Yeah, every Saturday," I said with a nod "Today was h"

"Where is your brother now?"

Safe

"He’s in Weston Safe and sound with a good fa hiet the state to agree to let him live with us She’s been sober for a while He’s almost seventeen, so it’s not like he’s a kid"

I wanted him to meet her, and ifwith us sooner rather than later

She got off the bed and walked over to me by the French doors "Why didn’t you tell o?" she asked "I could’ve been there for you"

I wish I’d let you

That was still soto--made this room feel ten tih ot hoht Well, other than doing what I could to help Jax," I added "I had to see you My o to hell All I wanted was you I loved you," I whispered the last part, htened ed everything "I went to your house, but your grandet ht But I ran off to find you, anyway After a while, I found myself at the fish pond in the park" I finally looked at her "And there you ith your dad andthe little family"

I understood the confusion in her eyes Even now, I kneas a sad series of s

"Jared--" she started, but I stopped her

"Tate, you didn’t do anything wrong I know that now You just have to understandfrory I’d been betrayed by the people I was supposed to be able to count on: my mom who didn’t help when I needed her, my dad who hurt me and my helpless brother" I took a deep breath "And then I saw you with our parents, looking like the happy, sweet fa to ot to see the mother that I never had Your dad took you on picnics and for ice crea me I felt like no one wanted me and that life moved on withoutwere too much, too fast, and all of a sudden I was a different kid

"You becaet, Tate I hated my parents, I orried about my brother, and I sure as hell couldn’t rely on anyone but myself When I hated you, it made me feel better A lot better"

I saw her jaw harden, and I knew that this wasn’t easy for her to take in

But I kept going

"Even after I realized that nothing was your fault, I still couldn’t stop trying to hate you It felt good, because I couldn’t hurt who I wanted to hurt"

Silent tears fell down her face again, and--godda overup, and I wanted it back

"I’ like hell she didn’t punch me "I know I can make this up to you Don’t hate me"

She shook her head "I don’t hate you I mean…" she shot me a little scowl, "I’m a little pissed, but rabbed her, wrappingher intomine I wanted to scream and smile at the sary to taste her as I breathed her in

"You said you lovedwas lost

I lifted her up, guided her legs aroundthe heat of her center on my stomach

"We never lost that" My hand was on her cheek, and I brought her eyes up to meet mine "As much as I tried, I could never erase you frouys away from you You were alwaysher tears with her thumb

Her shaky breath caressedthe corner of her ainst her lips, "Always have been"

She wrapped her arht

"Are you okay?" she asked

"Are you?" I shot back, not deluding myself for a second that the last three years hadn’t been hell for her, too

"I will be"