Page 46 (1/1)

"Selethe It was just a twitch Nerves Reflexes Stop toret soardless of whether you wear yourself out by keeping watch at his bedside Your vigil does neither of you any good, and it lect of our other children Go and busy yourself about the house If he awakens, I will call you"

There was no hope in nation I felt he rebuked hinized the creak of the reading chair in my chamber at home Was that where I was? At hoht I was, but could not suht, it had faded away to nothing

I heard the rustle of ht footfalls as she walked quietly to the door She opened it and then paused there In a lowered, husky voice, she asked, "Will not you at least tell e, to a man who had reason to hate you personally as well as with the tenacity of his vicious race? Why put our Nevare in harm’s way deliberately?"

I heard h his nose I waited, as he did, for her to leave I kneould not reply to her accusation Strangely, I recall that I wondered ht answer her questions I suppose that I believed so firmly that he would not reply that I did not think any reply was possible

Then he spoke Quietly I had heard the words before, but sohted with s that Nevare can’t learn from a friend Some lessons a soldier can learn only fro of value could he have learned from that heathen, other than how to die pointlessly?" My mother was perilously close to tears I kneell as she did that if she broke, if she sobbed, ained control of herself He could never abide a woood son to you, willing, obedient, and honest What could he learn froe like that Kidona?"

"Todis trust" My father spoke so softly I could barely hear hi at all He cleared his throat and went on ly "I do not know if you can understand this, Selethe This once, I will try to explain it to you Have you ever heard of Dernel’s Folly?"

"No" She spoke softly I was not surprised that she had never heard of Captain Dernel He was not renowned but notorious a lost the Battle of Tobale to the Landsingers ADernel to lead a charge into as clearly a suicidal situation Dernel had the advantage of the high ground He could see for hied since the order had been issued from the rear He even said so to the orderly he left behind in his tent Yet he had chosen to be an obedient soldier He had obeyed a stale order and led 684 h he had recognized the folly of the order Every cavalryman knew about Captain Dernel His name had become a synonym for an officer who did not lead but merely obeyed orders from above

"Well Never mind that tale I will say only that I do not wish my son to follow in Dernel’s footsteps Nevare is, just as you have said, a good son An obedient son He obeys eant Duril He obeys you He obeys It is an admirable trait in a son and a necessary one in a soldier These last few years, I have waited and watched hi for hie me I waited for a time when he would be tempted to follow his oill More, I hoped for a tieant Duril’s"

"You wanted him to defy you? But why?" My ave a short sigh "I did not think you would understand it Selethe, I want our son to be h the ranks as much by his own aptitude as by our ability to buy a coood officer, he must be more than obedient Hehis own decisions, finding his oay out of bad situations He has to be able to evaluate conditions in the field, and knohen to follow his own instincts

"So I deliberately put him into a difficult situation I knew that Deould teach him many skills But I also knew that Deould eventually put Nevare in a situation where Nevare would have to make his own decisions He’d have to question authority, not just Dewara’s, buthim there It was a desperate tactic, I know But he had shown no propensity of his own to grow in that direction I kneould have to push him across that boundary between boyhood and iven from the safety of the rear by men who do not know the conditions at the front To trust his own judgment To know that every soldier is ultimately in command of himself To lead To lead first hiht learn to lead others" I heard ain "To know that not even his own father always knohat is best for him"