Page 35 (2/2)

Sandra, introduces ives reens and sits me down at a table "Now you hold court"

Dee has pretty much told everyone about Willem, so they all have advice on how to track hithere--a flight from New York to London and then on to Paris--and where I’--a youth hostel in the Villette area Willeht for a doruidebook, and I will brave the Metro And they ask about Paris, and I tell them about what I saw last year, and they’re very interested to hear how diverse it was, about the sections that were full of Africans and then this starts a big debate about which African countries France colonized until soure it out

While everyone pores over the atlas, Sandra coot you a little soe

"Oh, you shouldn’t--"

She waves away e Inside is a laminated map of Paris "The man at the store said this would be ‘indispensable’ It has all the subway stops and an index of elo and I spent sothrough it"

"Then I’ll never get lost again"

She folds the map up and puts it in my hands She has the saDee?" I shake my head "I think you have it the other way around"

"I know exactly the way I have it," she says

"No, seriously All Dee has done is help "

"Stop with such nonsense D’Angelo is both brilliant and blessed with the road life has taken hih school and one year of college, you are the first friend froht ho about me, aren’t you?" Dee asks He puts an ar ," I say

"Don’t either of you believe a word!" He turns around to introduce a tall, regal girl with a head full of intricate twists "I was telling you about Tanya"

We exchange hellos, and Sandra goes off to fetch some more cobbler Tanya reaches out to free ers the ends and shakes her head, clucking her tongue the sa way Dee so often does

"I know I know It’s been a year," I say And then I realize it has A year

"Was it short or long?" Dee asks He turns to Tanya "You have to make her look just the same For when she finds him"

"If I find him," I clarify "It was to here" I point to the base of my skull, where the stylist in London had cut my hair to last year But then I drop h I don’t think I want the bob"

"You don’t want a haircut?" Tanya asks

"No, I would love a haircut," I tell her "But not a bob I want to try so totally new"

Thirty

Paris

It takes approximately thirteen hours and six time zones for me to freak out

It happens when I stumble into the arrivals hall of Charles de Gaulle airport All aroundrelatives or drivers with signs I’out for me I know I have people out there in the world who love ht now, I’ve never felt so alone I feel that flashing sign click on over my head, the one that used to read TOURIST Only now it also reads WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

I pull hter aroundand put it in front the other A step I take another And another I pull out the to-do list I e e bureaus and in halting French ask if I can exchange my dollars "Of course This is a bank," the man behind the counter answers in French I hand over a hundred dollars and aet in return

Next on the list: find youth hostel I’ve mapped the route, a train to the city, then a Metro to the Jaurès stop I follow the signs for the RER, the train to central Paris, but it turns out I have to take an airport train to get to the RER station, and I go the wrong way and wind up at a different terminal and have to double back around, so it takes et to the airport train station

When I get up to the autoainst an enee, the instructions are bewildering Do I need a Metro ticket? A train ticket? Two tickets? I feel that neon sign over hter Now it says WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?

I open the guidebook again to the section about getting into Paris Okay, one ticket will get me into Paris and transfer to the Metro I look at the ether like snakes Finally, I locate rave;s I trace the RER line to the airport to the transfer point and realize with a start that it’s at Gare du Nord Someplace familiar, someplace to tie h it but through it," I tell myself And then I face the ticket machine, shoulders back, like we are competitors in a duel I punch the touch screen, feed it a ten-euro note and then it spits ainst an impassive opponent, but I as to the gates, which work like the Tube gates, though it turns out, it’s iant suitcase Ha! Another enee beneath Gare du Nord, I get lost again trying to find the right Metro line, and then I et out of RER but into the Metro Then I alure it out right before the doors close and jump off When I finally arrive at my stop, I’m completely exhausted and totally disoriented It takes about fifteen ure where I a turns until I hit the canals, which is the first sign that I’ht area

But I still have no idea where the hostel is, and I’m exhausted, frustrated, and near tears I can’t even find the hostel And I have an address And a map What in the world makes me think I can find him?

But then just when I’m about to lose it, I stop, look out at the canals, and I just breathe And my panic subsides Because this place, it feels familiar It is familiar, because I’ve been here before

I fold up my map and put it away I breathe soray bicycles There are the sa across the cobblestones on heels The cafés, crowded, as though no one ever has to work I take another deep breath, and a sort of sense memory takes over And somehow I just knohere I am To the left is the park with the lake where we ht, a few blocks back, is the cafe where we had crêpes I take the ain I find myself Five minutes later, I’m at the youth hostel

My room is on the sixth floor, and the elevator is out of order, so I walk up a winding stairway A guy with a tattoo of sood on his arm points out the breakfast room, the communal bathrooives o out Then he leaves ood luck, and I wonder if he says that to everyone or if he senses that I’ll need it