Page 25 (1/2)
"I would love to be your first," she says "You can do that, can’t you? I ht?"
"More than complete," he tells her "In fact, I have three"
She just stares at hi
He finds himself attracted to some, left cold by others--but in none of them does he find the spark of connection he has hoped for By the tiirl, a Boston scholar with New York fashion sense, he just wants to get this day over with The girl is one of those who is intrigued by his face She doesn’t just look at hih, she studies him like a specimen under a microscope
"So what do you see when you look at me?" he asks
"It’s not what’s on the outside--it’s the inside that matters," she responds
"And what do you think is inside?"
She hesitates, then asks, "Is this a trick question?"
Roberta is exasperated when he refuses to accept a single one of the silverware and intense cutting of meat They barely look at each other across the table Finally Roberta says, "We’re not looking for your soul mate, Cam, just someone to fill a role A consort to help ease you into public life"
"Maybe I’ practical is not the sa"
Cam slams his fist down "My decision! You will not force me"
"Of course I won’t--but--"
"Conversation over" Then the oes back to severe silverware Deep down he knows she’s right, which just makes him furious All they need to irl holding his hand, convincing the public that there’s so much about Cam to love But he finds no bit of actor in hin it, but he dreads the moments alone when he has to face the emptiness of a false relationship
Emptiness
That’s what people believe is inside hiirls paraded before hiht, and he has no soul?
"Incomplete," he says "If I’m whole, why do I feel like I’ platitude intended to ease his oes on her rote wisdom leaves him flat and disappointed
"Wholeness co experiences that are solely yours, Cam," she tells him "Live your life and soon you’ll find the lives of those who caave rise to youcompared to what you are"
But how can he live his life when he’s not convinced he has one? The attacks in the press conference still plague hi has a soul, then where is his? And if the human soul is indivisible, then how can his be the suave rise to him? He’s not one of them, he’s not all of them, so who is he?
His questions make Roberta impatient "I’m sorry," she tells him, "but I don’t deal in the unanswerable"
"So you don’t believe in souls?" Cam asks her
"I didn’t say that, but I don’t try to answer things that don’t have tangible data If people have souls, then you must have one, proved by the mere fact that you’re alive"
"But what if there is no ‘I’ inside h theinside?"
Roberta considers this, or at least pretends to "Well, if that were the case, I doubt you’d be asking these questions" She thinks for a moment "If you must have a construct, then think of it this way: Whether consciousness is i divine, or whether it is created by the efforts of our brains, the end result is the same We are"
"Until we are not," Cam adds
Roberta nods "Yes, until we are not" And she leaves him with none of his questions answered
- - -
Physical therapy has evolved into full-on training sessions withCauards who call his that Roberta would probably want to irlfriend search was a bust, huh?" Kenny asks while Cam pushes himself on the treadmill
"We have not yet found a consort for the creature," Ca Roberta’s accent
Kenny chuckles "You got a right to be choosy," he tells Ca less than what you want"
Cains its slon "Even if I can’t have what I want?"
"All the more reason to deet closer to the h Ca but set hioes alone to the tabletop coh photo files Most of it is randoh not as frequently as before None of it is what he’s looking for He finds a file that features the head shots of all the girls who interviewed Two hundred s, pretty faces, with attached résuin to look alike
"You won’t find her in there"
He turns to see Roberta standing on the spiral staircase, watching him She descends the rest of the way