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"Yes, and because I also want it to be true!" she had said "If he turns out an absolute bastard in the end, I’ll go and see him and beat him up in person! That’s a pro home, because I’d asked him to shadow Charlotte, Raphael, and Gideon first Unlike hi to hear what Raphael was like

"If you ask ," said Xemerius critically "And doesn’t he just know it!"

"Well, he’s in good hands with Charlotte," said Lesley, satisfied "So far our Ice Princess has ed to take the joys of life out of everyone"

We’d perched onseat while Xemerius sat on the table, curled his tail neatly around hian on his report

First Charlotte and Raphael had gone out for an ice, then to the cinema, and finally they’d met up with Gideon in an Italian restaurant Lesley and I had wanted to know every tiny detail, fros, plus every word they had said According to Xe at cross-purposes the whole time While Raphael wanted to know the differences between French and English girls and how far English girls would go, Charlotte had droned on forever about the winners of the Nobel Prize for Literature over the last ten years, with the result that Raphael had been visibly bored and occupied hiirls And at the cinema, much to the surprise of Xerab at Charlotte Far from it After about ten minutes, he fell fast asleep and stayed asleep Lesley said that was the best thing she’d heard in a long tireed Then, of course, anted to knohether Gideon, Charlotte, and Raphael had been talking about htly reluctantly--had regaled us with the following conversation I did a kind of simultaneous translation of it for Lesley

Charlotte: Giordano is terribly afraid Gwyneth will get everything wrong to

Gideon: Pass the olive oil, please

Charlotte: Politics and history are a closed book to Gwyneth She can’t even reht out of the other She can’t help it, her brain doesn’t have the capacity It’s stuffed with the na cast lists of actors in soppy romantic fil cousin, right? I saw her yesterday in school Isn’t she the one with long dark hair and blue eyes?

Charlotte: Yes, and that birthmark on her temple, the one that looks like a little banana

Gideon: Like a little crescent moon

Raphael: What’s that friend of hers called? The blonde with freckles? Lily?

Charlotte: Lesley Hay Rather brighter than Gwyneth, but she’s a wonderful exas Hers is a shaggy golden retriever crossbreed called Bertie

Raphael: That’s cute!

Charlotte: You like dogs?

Raphael: Especially golden retriever crossbreeds with freckles

Charlotte: I see Well, you can try your luck You won’t find it particularly difficult Lesley gets through even more boys than Gwyneth

Gideon: Really? How many … er, boyfriends has Gwyneth had?

Charlotte: Oh,I don’t want to speak ill of her, it’s just that she’s not very discri Particularly when she’s had a drink She’s done the rounds of aluess I lost track at some point I’d rather not repeat what they call her

Raphael: The school mattress?

Gideon: Pass the salt, please

When Xemerius had reached this point in his story, I’d jule her, but Lesley wouldn’t let e is a dish best eaten cold, and she wouldn’t agree when I said e, it was pure murderous bloodlust She added that if Gideon and Raphael were even a quarter as bright as they were good-looking, they wouldn’t believe a word Charlotte said anyway

"I think Lesley really does look a bit like a golden retriever," Xemerius had said, and when I looked at his, you know I do! Such clever animals"

And Lesley really was clever She had solved the h the result of all her efforts was rather disappointing All she had come up as another number code with two letters and funny little marks in it