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"Dead," said Xe" He put his head on one side "It’s true, you know Why won’t you face it, like she said?"

James flicked his handkerchief "I don’t want to hear this Cats can’t talk"

"Do I look like a cat, you stupid ghost?" cried Xemerius

"You do, rather," said Ja "Except for the ears, s And the funny tail Oh, how I hate these fevered fantasies!"

Xe furiously "I am not a fantasy I’m a demon," he said, and in his annoyance, he spat out a torrent of water on the floor "A powerful deicians and architects in the eleventh century, as you reckon ti anymore these days When o, this was all that was left of me--a shadow of my former self, so to speak, condemned to wander this earth until the world falls apart Which could take another few million years, I should think"

"Tralala, I’," said James

"You’re pathetic," said Xemerius "Unlike you, I have no choice--I’ive up your pitiful ghostly existence and go wherever huo when they’re dead"

"I’m not dead, you stupid kitty cat!" cried James "I’m only sick in bed with horrible feverish hallucinations And if we don’t change the subject thisto use the board eraser toto a gentleman of the same social rank…"

Xemerius shook his head and fleay over our heads to the door "I’ll stand guard for you Think how e"

The lunch break wasn’t long enough to learn all the tricks James wanted to teach me, but in the end, I could curtsey in three different ways and hold outthat custom has died out, if you ask me) When the other students came back, James bowed to me and left, while I whispered a quick word of thanks

"So?" asked Lesley

"James thinks Xemerius is a funny kind of cat, part of his fevered fantasies," I told her "I can only hope that what he’s taught me isn’t also distorted by the fever If not, then now I knohat to do if I’ood," said Lesley "So what do you do?"

"Sink into a deep curtsey and stay there for a long tier than if I was curtseying to a marquis or a count It’s quite simple, really And I always have to hold out "

"Well, fancy that! I’d never have expected James to come in useful" Lesley looked around appreciatively "You’llthehteenth century"

"Let’s hope so," I said But nothing could cloud ood mood for the rest of the classes Charlotte and stupid Puffylips would be amazed to find out that I even knew the difference between a Serene Highness and an Illustrious Highness, although they’d done their level best to make it sound as complicated as possible

"And by the way, I’ve worked out a theory about the ic of the raven," said Lesley after school, on the way from the classrooht of it yet Let’sI’ve found out So long as ain and handed out rubber gloves to everyone--"

"Gwenny?" Cynthia Dale, co up behind us, slapped ina Curtis as in the same class as my sister until last year? She’s in hospital with anorexia now Is that where you want to end up as well?"

"No," I said, baffled

"Okay, then eat this! At once!" Cynthia threw ht it and obediently unwrapped it But as I was about to put it into eat it? So you’re not on a starvation diet?"

"No," I said again

"Then Charlotte was lying She said you kept skipping lunch because you want to be as thin as her Give me my caramel back You’re not anorexic after all" Cynthia put the caramel in her ownto be fancy dress again And this year the the your boyfriend with you"

"Er--"

"It’s a funny thing, but Charlotte said the sauy, I just want him to be at my party"

"She’s crazy," Lesley whispered toMax, Lesley"

"Cyn, Max and I haven’t been together for the last six months"

"Oh, bother," said Cynthia "Sounds like too few boys this ti soain Aishani, for instance, although she probably won’t coo to mixed parties … oh, my God, who’s that? Please, someone pinch me!"

"That" was a tall boy with fair hair cut short He was standing outside the principal’s office with Mr Whitman And he seemed to me curiously familiar

"Ouch!" screeched Cynthia, because Lesley had taken her at her word and pinched her