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The stack of pages sat face down on the desk before him TheyTindwyl back to hi over ly Sazed ran his fingers across the final page, and finally, the depression he'd been fighting--barely holding at bay for so long--was too strong for him to overcome The portfolio had been his final line of defense

It was pain That's what the loss felt like Pain and nu around his chest co about it He felt like huddling in a corner, crying, and just letting hi

He reached under his desk, tre his sack of metalminds However, he didn't pull one of these out, but instead ree, thick tome He put it on the table beside his portfolio, then opened it to a randoe Words written in two different hands confronted hi His own The other was terse and detere He and Tindwyl had co the history, prophecies, and es Back before Sazed had stopped caring

That's a lie, he thought, for a fist Why do I lie toIf I'd stopped caring, then I wouldn't still be searching If I didn't care sobetrayed wouldn't feel so painful

Kelsier had spoken of this Then Vin had done the sas Who was there that could hurt him so deeply that he felt betrayed? He was not like other ance, but out of siave people, perhaps to a fault He simply wasn't the type to feel bitter

He'd assumed, therefore, that he would never have to deal with these emotions That's why he'd been so unprepared to be betrayed by the only thing he couldn't accept as being flawed

He couldn't believe If he believed, it meant that God--or the universe, or whatever it was that watched overat all Then, all of the world's inadequacies were siod who had failed the a little slip of paper sticking out between its pages He pulled it free, surprised to find the picture of a flower that Vin had given him, the one that Kelsier's wife had carried The one she'd used to give herself hope To re of the Lord Ruler

He glanced upward The ceiling was of wood, but red sunlight--refracted by the --sprayed across it "Why?" he whispered "Why leaveabout you I learned the religions of five hundred different peoples and sects I taught about you when other iven up a thousand years before

"Why leave me without hope, when others can have faith? Why leave me to wonder? Shouldn't I be e have protected me?"

And yet, his faith had made hiht It's about giving someone else power over you Power to hurt you That's why he'd given up his h the religions one at a ti to fail him

It justSazed looked back down Why did he think to talk to the heavens? There was nothing there

There never had been

Outside, in the hallway, he could hear voices "My dear doggie," Breeze said, "surely you'll stay for another day"

"No," said TenSoon the kandra, speaking in his growling voice "I must find Vin as soon as possible"

Even the kandra, Sazed thought Even an inhuman creature has more faith than I

And yet, how cou1ld they understand? Sazed closed his eyes tight, feeling a pair of tears squeeze from the corners How could anyone understand the pain of a faith betrayed? He had believed And yet, when he had needed hope the most, he had found only emptiness

He picked up the book, then snapped closed his portfolio, locking the inadequate summaries inside He turned toward the hearth Better to simply burn it all

BeliefHe re to Vin on that terrible day after Kelsier's death Belief isn't siht days, I think What is belief--what is faith--if you don't continue in it after failure

How innocent he had been

Better to trust and be betrayed, Kelsier seemed to whisper It had been one of the Survivor's ripped the toed by Ruin at any tiht with frustration Do I have faith in this Ruin, but not in so better?

He stood quietly in the roo to Breeze and Ten-Soon outside The book was a symbol to him It represented what he had once been It represented failure He glanced upward again Please, he thought I want to believe I really do I justI just need so real

So true Please?

"Farewell, Soother," TenSoon said "Give ards to the Announcer" Then, Sazed heard Breeze thu's feet

Announcer

Sazed froze

That word

Sazed stood, stunned for a moment Then, he threw his door open and burst into the hallway The door sla Breeze jump TenSoon stopped at the end of the hallway, near the stairs He turned back, looking at Sazed