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ELDER

"THIS ISN’T GOING TO BE EASY," I MUTTER, STARING AT THE solid ine Room on the Shipper Level of Godspeed In the dull reflection, I see Eldest’s dark eyes, just before he died I see the smirk on the corner of Orion’s mouth as he relished in Eldest’s death Somewhere, beneath my cloned features and the echoes of every Eldest beforeinmaterial two levels beneath my feet

I like to think that, anyway

I roll my thu with it the ie of a face that has never felt like mine

A very --wraps around ine Room The walls vibrate with the ine, a whirr-churn-whirr sound that I used to think was beautiful

The first-level Shippers stand at attention, waiting forwith activity as the Shippers try to figure out what has crippled the lead-cooled fast reactor engine, but today I asked for a privateofficers beneath me

I feel scruffy co and o, their dark tunics and neatly pressed trousers fit perfectly There is no uniform for the Shippers--there’s no uniform for anyone on board the ship--but First Shipper Marae demands neatness of everyone she has authority over, especially the first-level Shippers, who all favor the sa worn by Marae

Marae’s in the twenty-year-old generation, only a few years older than me But already lines crease at her eyes, and the doard turn of her mouth seems permanent A carpenter could check the accuracy of his level by the line of Marae’s shorn hair Amy says that everyone on board Godspeed looks the saht in a way But no one could everless than First Shipper

"Eldest," she says by way of greeting

"I’ve told you: just call me Elder"

Marae’s scowl deepens People started calling me Eldest as soon as I assumed the role And I’d always known I’d be Eldest at soh I’d never dreamed that I’d be Eldest so soon Still, I was born for this position I am this position And if I can’t see it in myself, I can see it in the way the Shippers still stand at attention, the way Marae waits for me to speak

I justI can’t take the title Someone called me Eldest in front of Amy, and I couldn’t stand the way her eyes narrowed and her body froze, for just a h for me to realize that there was no way I could bear to see her look at ain

"I can be the Eldest without changing ree, but she won’t argue

The other first-level Shippers stare atThey are all still, with their backs erect and their blank faces turned tohand as First Shipper, but I also know a part of it comes fro way he expected everyone to perfor of me in their stoic obedience

I clear my throat

"I, uh, I needed to talk to you, the first-level Shippers, about the engine" I s,I don’t look at them, not really If I look into their faces--their older, more experienced faces--I will lose my nerve

I think of Aht red hair swirled like ink frozen in water, her pale skin almost as translucent as the ice she was frozen in But when I iine her face now, I see the deterry

I take a deep breath and stride across the floor toward Marae She ht, her ht I stand uncomfortably close to her, but she doesn’t flinch as I raise both my arms and shove her shoulders, hard, so she crashes into the control panel behind her Emotion flares on the faces of the others--Second Shipper Shelby looks confused; Ninth Shipper Buck’s eyes narrow and his jaw clenches; Third Shipper Haile whispers so to Sixth Shipper Jodee

But Marae doesn’t react This is the mark of how different Marae is from everyone else on the ship: she doesn’t even question me when I push her

"Why didn’t you fall over?" I ask

Marae pushes herself up against the control panel "The edge broke my fall," she says Her voice is flat, but I catch a wary tone under her words

"You would have kept going if so hadn’t stopped you The first law ofto remember all I had studied in preparation for this moment "On Sol-Earth, there was a scientist Isaac Newton" I stumble over the name, unsure of how to pronounce a ith two a’s in a row It co, but it’s not important

Besides, it’s clear the others knoho I’ about Shelby looks nervously at Marae, her eyes darting once, twice, three times to the mask of Marae’s unnaturally still face The steady stoniness of the other first-level Shippers’ postures melts

I bite back a bitter smile That seems to be what I always do: break the perfect order Eldest worked so hard to make