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Kiss me damn it! I implore hie, unfa at Christian Grey&039;s exquisitely sculptured aze hooded, his eyes darkening
He&039;s breathing harder than usual, and I&039;ve stopped breathing altogether I&039;m in your arms
Kiss ives me a small shake of his head as if in answer to ain, it&039;s with some new purpose, a steely resolve
"Anastasia, you should steer clear of me I&039;m not thefroe of that I frown up at him, and my head sith rejection
"Breathe, Anastasia, breathe I&039;o," he says quietly, and he gently pushes h my body, from the near miss with the cyclist or the heady proxi me wired and weak NO! My psyche screaI can think is that I wanted to be kissed, made it pretty damned obvious, and he didn&039;t do it He doesn&039;t want me He really doesn&039;t want
"I&039;ve got this," I breathe, finding my voice "Thank you," I mutter aith humiliation How could I have et away from him
"For what?" he frowns He hasn&039;t taken his hands offway I&039;lad I was here I shudder to think what could have happened to you Do you want to come and sit down in the hotel for a moment?" He releasesin front of hi like a fool
With a shake, I clear ue, unarticulated hopes have been dashed He doesn&039;t wantI scold myself What would Christian Grey ith you My subconscious mocks me I wrap my arms around myself and turn to face the road and note with relief that the green man has appeared I quickly make my way across, conscious that Grey is behind me Outside the hotel, I turn briefly to face him but cannot look hi the photo shoot," I uish in his voice deray eyes are bleak as he runs his hand through his hair
He looks torn, frustrated, his expression stark, all his careful control has evaporated
"What, Christian?" I snap irritably after he says - nothing I just want to go I need to take ile, wounded pride away and somehow nurse it back to health
"Good luck with your exams," he murmurs
Huh This is why he looks so desolateThis is the big send offJust to wish uise the sarcasuely a hilance, I disappear down the sidewalk toward the underground garage
Once underneath the dark, cold concrete of the garage with its bleak fluorescent light, I lean against the wall and put Unbidden and unwelcoround, angry atup my knees, I fold in on myself I want to make myself as small as possible Perhaps this nonsensical pain will be s my head on my knees, I let the irrational tears fall unrestrained I a I never had How ridiculous Mourning so that never was -
my dashed hopes, dashed dreams, and my soured expectations
I have never been on the receiving end of rejection Okay so I was always one of the last to be picked for basketball or volleyball - but I understood that - running and doing so a ball is notfield
Roh, I&039;ve never put myself out there, ever A lifetime of insecurity
- I&039; list of faults goes on So I have always been the one to rebuff any would be aduy in my chemistry class who liked me, but no one has ever sparked my interest - no one except Christian damn Grey Maybe I should be kinder to the likes of Paul Clayton and Jose Rodriguez, though I&039; alone in dark places
Perhaps I just need a good cry
Stop! Stop Now! - My subconscious ison one leg and tapping her foot in frustration Get in the car, go hoet about hi crap
I take a deep, steadying breath and stand up Get it together Steele I head for Kate&039;s car, wiping the tears off ain I can just chalk this incident up to experience and concentrate ontable at her laptop when I arrive Her welco s?"
Oh no not the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition I shake ht as well be dealing with a blind, deaf ," she has an exceptional gift for stating the damned obvious sorowls, and her face - jeez, she&039;s scary
"Nothing Kate" That&039;s actually the probles a wry sYou never cry," she says, her voice softening She stands, her green eyes bris et her to back off
"I was nearly knocked over by a cyclist" It&039;s the best that I can do, but it distracts her momentarily from him
"Jeez Ana - are you okayWere you hurt?" She holds th and does a quick visual check-up on me
"No Christian saved me," I whisper "But I was quite shaken"
"I&039;m not surprised Hoas coffeeI know you hate coffee"
"I had tea It was fine, nothing to report really I don&039;t knohy he asked me"
"He likes you Ana" She drops her arain" Yes, I e to sound matter of fact
"Oh?"
Crap She&039;s intrigued I head into the kitchen so that she can&039;t see ue Kate," I say as dryly as I can e
"What do you mean?"
"Oh Kate, it&039;s obvious" I whirl round and face her as she stands in the kitchen doorway"Not to ot more money than you, but then he has more money than most people in A
"Ana! For heaven&039;s sake - how many times must I tell youYou&039;re a total babe," she interrupts ain
"Kate, please I need to study" I cut her short She frowns
"Do you want to see the articleIt&039;s finished Jose took soreat pictures"
Do I need a visual reminder of the beautiful Christian I-don&039;t-want-you Grey?
"Sure," I ic a smile on to my face and stroll over to the laptop And there he is, staring at
I pretend to read the article, all the ti the photo for some clue as to why he&039;s not the man for ly obvious He&039;s too gloriously good-looking We are poles apart and from two very different worlds I have a vision ofand burning as a result His words make sense He&039;s not the man for me
This is what he meant, and it makes his rejection easier to accept alood Kate," Ito think about hi my revision notes, I start to read
It&039;s only when I&039;hts to drift throughback to the &039;I don&039;t do the girlfriend thing&039; quote, and I&039;ry that I didn&039;t pounce on this infor hi to kiss me He&039;d said it there and then He didn&039;t want irlfriend I turn on to my side Idly, I wonder if perhaps he&039;s celibateI closehimself Well not for you, my sleepy subconscious has a final swipe atitself on ray eyes, leafy patterns in h dark places with eerie strip lighting, and I don&039;t know if I&039; or away from it it&039;s just not clear
I put my pen down Finished My final exarin spread over my face It&039;s probably the first time all week that I&039;ve sht, really celebrating I lance across the sports hall at Kate, and she&039;s still scribbling furiously, five minutes to the end This is it, the end of my academic career I shall never have to sit in rows of anxious, isolated students again Inside I&039; full well that&039;s the only place I can do graceful cartwheels Kate stops writing and puts her pen down She glances across at me, and I catch her Cheshire cat sether in her Mercedes, refusing to discuss our final paper Kate isto wear to the bar this evening I a around in e for you" Kate is standing on the steps up to the front door holding a brown paper parcel Odd I haven&039;t ordered anything froives me the parcel and takes my keys to open the front door It&039;s addressed to Miss Anastasia Steele There&039;s no sender&039;s address or name Perhaps it&039;s from my mom or Ray
"It&039;s probably from my folks"
"Open it!" Kate is excited as she heads into the kitchen for our &039;Exane&039;
I open the parcel, and inside I find a half leather box containing three seely identi-cal old cloth-covered books in mint condition and a plain white card Written on one side, in black ink in neat cursive handwriting, is:
I recognize the quote from Tess I am stunned by the irony as I&039;ve just spent three hours writing about the novels of Thomas Hardy in my final examination Perhaps there is no irony perhaps it&039;s deliberate I inspect the books closely, three volumes of Tess of the D&039;Urbervilles I open the front cover Written in an old typeface on the front plate is:
&039;London: Jack R Osgood, McIlvaine and Co, 1891&039;
Holy shit - they are first editions They must be worth a fortune, and I know i at the books She picks up the card
"First Editions," I whisper
"No" Kate&039;s eyes are ith disbelief "Grey?"
I nod
"Can&039;t think of anyone else"
"What does this card- honestly he keeps warning me off I have no idea why It&039;s not like I&039; his door down" I frown
"I know you don&039;t want to talk about his or no"
I have not let myself dwell on Christian Grey for the past week Okay so his gray eyes are still haunting e the feel of his arrance from my brain Why has he sent me this?
He told me that I wasn&039;t for him
"I&039;ve found one Tess first edition for sale in New York at 14,000 But yours looks in much better condition They le
"This quote - Tess says it to her mother after Alec D&039;Urberville has had his wicked ith her"
"I know,"to say?"
"I don&039;t know, and I don&039;t care I can&039;t accept these fro quote from soel Clare says fuck off?" Kate asks with a cole I love Kate, she&039;s so loyal and supportive I repack the books and leave thene
"To the end of exarins
"To the end of exams, our new life in Seattle, and excellent results" We clink glasses and drink
The bar is loud and hectic, full of soon to be graduates out to get trashed Jose joins us He won&039;t graduate for another year, but he&039;s in the ets us into the spirit of our newfound freedoaritas for us all As I down ne
"So what now Ana?" Jose shouts atto Seattle Kate&039;s parents have bought a condo there for her"
"Dios mio, how the other half live But you&039;ll be back for my show"
"Of course, Jose, I wouldn&039;t miss it for the world" I smile, and he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me close
"It means a lot to me that you&039;ll be there Ana," he whispers in uez - are you trying to get le "I think I&039;d better have a beer I&039;ll go get us a pitcher"
"More drink, Ana!" Kate bellows
Kate has the constitution of an ox She&039;s got her arlish students and her usual photographer on her student newspaper He&039;s given up taking photos of the drunkenness that surrounds him He only has eyes for Kate She&039;s all tiny cah with tendrils hanging down softly around her face, her usual stunning self Me, I&039;irl, but I&039; jeans I et up frorab the back of the chair Tequila based cocktails are not a good idea
I make my way to the bar and decide that I should visit the powder rooer off through the crowd Of course, there&039;s a line, but at least it&039;s quiet and cool in the corridor I reach forin line Hmm Who did I last call Was it JoseBefore that a nunize Oh yes Grey, I think this is his nule I have no idea what the time is, maybe I&039;ll wake him Perhaps he can tell e If he wants me to stay away, he should leave rin and hit the auto
"Anastasia?" He&039;s surprised to hear fro hiisters how does he know it&039;s me?
"Why did you send me the books?" I slur at hie" His voice is filled with concern
"I&039;e one, you are," I accuse There - that told hie fuelled by alcohol