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When Julian uess to be near the mark A nervous chuckle escaped her control

"How can you laugh?" he demanded

She threw up a hand "How can I not? I mean, it’s a terrible pun I’ I’ve played abo"

He blinked at her, incredulous

She felt her own face heat Her tongue stuainst her teeth as she tried to explain "It’s easier to laugh One s, or life beco to be ainst these little slights, too People don’t understand So Others shout themselves red, as if increased volume will help Still others are just so flunore me entirely The corant you But you can’t fly into a rage every time one of those fresh-faced lieutenants makes an honest atte you"

"That’sfor me First I can’t live alone Then I can’t hold a simple dinner conversation without a knifepoint intervention Now I can’t even know ht you wereme of my limitations He’d believe inI choose"

His expression softened "Lily, of course I believe in you, but--"

"But what? There’s no room for ‘but’ in that sentence You can’t say you believe in me, ‘but’ Either you believe in someone, full stop--or you don’t"

Sighing heavily, she took a few paces about the roo to master her emotions and revive so the object of others’ pity, it was succu to self-pity After nine years, the deafness itself rarely caused her a htlessness of others soed her spirits low

"You have no idea, Julian These little slights this evening--they’re nothing" Pausing by a side table, she gave the porcelain beagle squatting there a pensive tap on the head "Once," she said, sertip down one floppy ear, "the year after my illness, I received a letter from my mother’s Aunt Beatrice In it, she expressed her very deep distress about my affliction, as she called it She felt it her Christian duty to point out thattoo beautiful and too proud She prayed I would be more mindful ofhad been coht about that letter in years, not consciously But obviously the paper-thin score on her heart had never quite healed, festering all this tiht her too proud in her debut season? She hadn’t been, not excessively Only shy But some had obviously mistaken her natural reserve for vanity, and in a fashion, Lily must have felt shamed by Aunt Beatrice’s rebuke--for she’d never spoken of that letter to anyone, not even Leo Why she was telling Julian about it now, she had no idea

Julian’s hand fell on hers, war When she lifted her face, he spoke slowly and distinctly "Your ivable, iave her exactly what she’d been needing This hy she’d told Julian Leo never could have said that He was far too congenial, and besides--Aunt Beatrice had given hi years of resentment uncoil within her "Yes, she was"

"As if an illness could so an opportunity in this vein of conversation, Lily asked, "If not mine or God’s, whose fault was it? The doctor’s? My parents’?"

"No one’s, of course"

He pried her fingers fro sparks of sensation traveled from her wrist to her elbow

"It wasn’t anyone’s fault," he went on "Sos just happen, and there’s nowhere to point the finger of blah her whole body now "Just like with Leo Sos just happen, and there’s no one to blame"

"That’s different That’s different, and you know it Where there’s murder, there’s blame By definition"

"But--"

He dropped her hand and stalked to the unused hearth, propping one boot on the grate and leaning his forear hard into his fist

She crossed to hi"

"No, Ito avoid this conversation Ever since Leo’s death, Julian had become so protective of her, so intense in their every interaction And noould seeion Unable to put hiles to his casual touch Perhaps if they discussed this tension between thean, "I’ve been struggling to answer this question: Without Leo, who ae part of my life, and in many ways I defined my existence in relationship to his In too le, slowly But as if that weren’t hard enough, there’s this other question It coine it’s the reason we’re always quarreling of late"

He stared at her, impassive "What question would that be?"

Anxiety prickled in her throat Using all available willpower, she blunted her nerves and limmer of some inscrutable e Instead, she dropped her gaze and concentrated on hisat him, she couldn’t help notice that his lips were so well-shaped Wide and sensual, curved at the edges just a bit The faintest pull of his jaw enuine sood kisser, when he wasn’t under the influence of pain and sleeping powder

Her own tongue darted out to moisten her lips Oh, this was terrible

Words, Lily Concentrate on his words

"I h Leo, and now that he’s gone, it’s only natural that ould be forced to … ask ourselves that"

"And have you arrived at an answer?"