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I’ve thought of her so hts conjured her, a fantasy Lila, spread out on my bed The unreality hlike a ha her body like a cather place

"For years," I say, helplessly honest for once I want to press bare fingers against the line of her cheek and trace the dusting of freckles on her pale skin, but she still doesn’t see about her is dizzyingly warm and soft

"I h, which helps me clear my head a little "You wanted to kill me"

She shakes her head "I always liked you I alanted you Always"

"Oh," I say stupidly And then I kiss her

Herme down onto the bed with her Her arainst ly hot Myclenched so hard that I’ breath

I am full of happiness So much happiness that I can barely contain it

Now that I’ve started touching her, I can’t seee of s I don’t kno to say out loud My gloved fingers slide under the waistband of her jeans, over her skin She shimmies a little, to shove her pants down, and reaches forinto incoherence

Sos on the door to the room

For a moment I don’t care I don’t stop

"Cassel," Grandad calls from the other side of the door

I roll off the bed and ontohard Her lips are red and wet, her eyes dark I arandfather is there, holding the phone "I need you to come and talk to your etically Her cheeks are stained pink and she’s fuet the at him, but he barely seems to notice

"No," he says "You take this phone and you listen to what she has to say"

"Grandad," I say

"Talk to your mother, Cassel" His voice is harder than I’ve ever heard it

"Fine!" I grab the phone and walk into the hall, ushering Grandad out without of jail, Mom," I say

"Cassel!" She sounds ecstatic to talk to n country "I’ht home I want to see my babies, but you don’t knohat it’s like to live with a bunch of women for all these years and never have a ht fros"

"Great," I say "So you’re at a hotel?"

"In New York I knoe have a lot to talk about, baby I’ a worker sooner, but I knew people would try to take advantage of you And look at what they did Of course, if the judge had just listened to me and realized that a mother needs to be with her children, none of this would have happened You boys needed me"

"It happened before you went to jail," I say

"What?"

"Lila They tried to get me to kill her before you went to jail They locked her in a cage before you went to jail It had nothing to do with you"