Page 18 (1/2)

"Hey, aren’t you in rinned at ht was a clever pickup line Of course, all his charht

"Nope," I said, prying his fingers away from my bicep I turned irl, who giggled

A neave of bodies entered the apartret ht spaces and I was beginning to reach uely familiar, but in truth, I really didn’t know anyone here Inching toward the door, I decided maybe I’d crash Rob and Melissa’s date since I wasn’t in thethe roo when my eyes landed on a couple on the far side of the rooy blonde perched on the lap of the only guy to whom I had ever said I love you I wanted to look away and yet, my eyes refused to move I watched as Justin ran his hand up the back of her shirt, urging her closer so he could claim her lips Stomach bile churned its way up my throat as I watched theer able to be in the sa who I bu the way My eyes never left the train wreck in front ofa crime that I couldn’t look away from I was almost home free when the inevitable happened

Maybe he sensed my presence, or maybe God just felt I needed to suffer a little more

I was almost out the door when Justin broke the kiss and looked my way Dozens of uy who had stolenI couldn’t discern crossed his face before it was replaced by the cocky grin that had always driven y blonde,him a brittle smile to show I didn’t care, I left the apartlance Each step I took was painful, like I alking across broken pieces of h the crowd in the hallway, toward the stairs that led to the first floor Myin front of a bunch of strangers was not an option The stairs were almost as busy as the hallway and I had to push past several jocks ere blocking the way I was halfway dohen they decided to show off their testosterone and started shoving each other Before I could react, so me pitch forward Drunken hands reached out to steady rasped uselessly at thin air as the force of the shove sent me the rest of the way down the stairs

I hit the paveasped while hed as I landed in a heap at the bottom of the stairs

"Holy shit, you totally fell down the stairs," a girl said, stating the obvious

"No shit," Iup ehtenedof curses as they protested "Great," I said, grihts around the apartlossy with blood

"Are you okay?" the sa a hand down to helpwith pain when o the hospital?" she asked, looking concerned

"No, I’ me up since the asshole who pushed me down the stairs doesn’t see idiot, as still screwing around with his buddies

"Grant pushed you? What a dick"

"Truth," I said "Thanks for your help," I added as I started to shuffle away

"Hey, wait Are you sure you’re okay?" she called

"I’h each step I tookhurt My knees seemed to have taken the brunt ofback on hts of Justin It was only after I had e bruise on ain I stepped into a hot shower, letting the water cascade over h my mind at once Justin, the baby inside me, and the decisions I needed to ain indecisive about what I wanted to do

Switching off the water, I grabbedwhen a sharp pain speared across asp in pain I clutched one as fast as it had coht about the baby I rubbed my hand possessively overnoticeable whenI could feel when I tried to buttonI sat on the toilet seat lid for severalback After several pain-free a pants and shrugged into an oversized sweatshirt Li out of the bathroom, I climbed ontomy hands on my belly as if I could protect the fetus from any more harm

Before I fell asleep, I reflected on what this sudden possessiveness meant for the life insideto carry the baby for another seven months? My hands onto care I wondered if that was a good thing Maybe I had waited too long to make my decision I drifted asleep to the mental picture of a baby swaddled in blankets and cradled in h tothe baby to ter for birth In the dream I could sensethe baby’s arrival The scene abruptly changed and I was no longer in the same bed Instead, I was on a sterile table with a doctor telling ht hied nored uys stepped in to restrain s I screaony as his hands reached insidein pain, I wrappedas happening The das was the only verification I needed Fear ripped through ht so Melissa could help me

My heart dropped when I discovered Melissa’s bed was e to attract any attention, I reached for my phone and dialed the number for a cab company rather than call 911 The pain was steady and craatherinto my heavy jacket, I headed out of my room to wait for the cab that would take me to the hospital

The hours I spent at the hospital passed in a blur A sympathetic doctor confirave me a local anesthetic and then perfor tissue That was how they referred to it Tissue As if the thing that had thrownmore than that My eyes burned from the tears I refused to shed After the procedure, I was placed in a curtained-off area where I could be observed for the next few hours until they releasedwhere I hile a nurse checkedher I ith the doctor She fired back i if I was okay The nurse was in the process of telling me what to expect over the next few days as ain, signaling another e from Melissa

"Sorry, it’s my friend," I said as the nurse paused her instructions I typed out a quick answer to Melissa, not even paying attention to what I had typed The nurse waited while I finished and then continued giving ht want to text your friend and tell her you need a ride home," she said kindly as I listened to her instructions in a daze

"Oh, that’s okay I’ll call a cab My friend doesn’t have a car"

"We’d rather you had someone with you for the next twenty-four hours"

"She’ll s

"Are you sure?" she said skeptically

"Promise," I said, ready to leave The knot inbackpainful An orderly wheeledcab I needed to make it home and then I could cry I was scared that if I started noouldn’t be able to stop as I thought about how empty my body suddenly felt

29

Present Day

4:30 PM

"Okay, so I was a chump," Justin admitted "It doesn’t nant I should have had a say in some of the decisions I know it’s your body, and in the end you get the final say, but it was ot an abortion"

I felt his pain I’d lived with it for two years I should have forced him to listen when I had the chance, but I let pride dictateJustin to believe the worst about me Maybe I felt it was justice for me to bear the brunt of his accusations since I had contemplated abortion in the first place It was only after I lost the baby that I realized I could never have gone through with it I lost soone Melissa had been heartbroken froed me to let her tell him the truth, but I swore her to secrecy I told her if she cared forthe er me to tell his and ran Not only from my own pain, but from the destruction I had caused others