Page 16 (1/2)

"Weeks," she e puny since the last week of January Valentine’s Day is on Monday I know my math skills are shaky, but I can read a calendar, and that means you’ve felt bad for more than teeks Maybe you’re ane my purse

"You should visit the clinic," she said as I headed for the door

"Maybe," I said, flashing a fake smile as I closed the door behind me

The smile faded before the door had closed coht? Teeks of sickness and five and a half weeks sincein vain to ignore the fact that for the first time in my life I was late It couldn’t be possible I was a Period Clock So I pushed it to the far recesses of my brain and buried it beneath mundane school-related junk, but suddenly the truth hit asp for air I detoured from my usual route to the daycare and sank down on one of the benches along the way A lack of airforward, I placedapart at the sea, I was finally able to lift et up and go to work That I needed to restore my life to soest the news I had been avoiding At the er belonged to ripped the back of the bench until the last of the light-headedness co that once Ielse With each step I took, the band of despair that was encircling htly so I was able to breathe a little bit easier

Breathe, step, breathe, step, breathe

Seeless words when taken out of the context of this moment, but for now they served their purpose as they rolled through my head

Breathe

Step

Breathe

Step

Breathe

I plastered a sreeted the kind elderly receptionist who sat at the entrance of the daycare Fellow teachers called out their own greetings as I e and the locker where I storedthe sah

Once I hit the classrooht four-year-olds, my smile became a little less brittle and almost appeared normal if you didn’t know any better The letter Q and number twenty became my best friends for the day as I worked one-on-one with each student The nment allowed me to shut down the bothersome side of my brain "Draw a circle and add a tail," I instructed one student after another I learned to love those words After all sixteen of the studentsthe challenge was accomplished, I would hand the passed quickly and before I knew it, I was foldingblankets and pillows in cubbies after naptime Every task was co For arong

Leaving the distractions of work behind allowed the dorly heads In order to ain on what I could control

Breathe Step Breathe Step

"Holy shit, Brittni You still look terrible," Melissa stated as I staggered into our roonored her observation What did it matter if I looked like hell or felt like hell? Did any of thaton ed oal: to block out the world I could hear Melissa asking if I was still sick I gave her a grunt of confir to be left alone She went intoreed to go to the cah I had no intention of doing it I didn’t need a doctor to tellon a stick wouldthe next few days, I forced et offI wanted to catch up on schoolwork My days took on a surreal feeling as I went through the an to feel like I was acting in a play that only paused to take an interh it all, I continued to hope I would get ht I went to bed bitterly disappointed

25

Present Day

3:55 PM

Turning away from Justin, I sank down to the elevator floor, exhausted that ere back where we had started I brushed away the tears froe the past, and they certainly couldn’t undo the harsh words

"You should have told me," Justin accused

"It was my body," I countered

"That’s bullshit It was ed at the word Baby I never allowed myself to think of it that way It was the only way to ease the pain Hearing hih ed into Not with Melissa when she beggedNot with Justin, who refused to hear my side when I needed support And definitely not with my mom, who could never have handled the truth Only one person knew all the sordid details Tressa had o and, with one look at me, detoured to the airport bar, where she ordered us several drinks in a row So carded Maybe the bartender, as also a wo Maybe it would have been obvious to anyone Either way, I was grateful With the alcohol coursing through ue loosened and my tears fell hot and fast as I poured my heart out to my best friend She listened as I explained how Justin had ripped uts out in front of everyone How he’d refused to listen At tih it all she heldme what I needed, someone to hear my side As the last words left ain The pain was too unbearable Tressa offered the support I needed with no judg to fly to Seattle to make Justin suffer

Noo years later, Justin and I were stuck together in this elevator, like two dogs forced to fight each other in soer any more than I could fault myself for the choices I hadhih all his resistance, I could have provided evidence that would have explained everything At the time, I’d been so hurt by how quickly he had turned on me that I couldn’t find the will to do any nity I had left Maybe if things hadn’t gotten so screwed up, so ugly, they could have been different We would never know that outco with your chicken?" Justin asked, looking at the ry," I said shortly I was afraid if I saidwould leak fro to corips with the situation myself A situation that had been confirmed in the bathroom just a few hours before Justin picked me up The pee stick delivered the news in seconds For whatever reason, I thought it would take longer Instead, I glared at the offending stick, which had instantly stolen any last bit of denial I had left

"Are you done? I really have to pee," Stephanie, froh the door