Page 20 (1/2)
"This--this can’t happen!" I say "I’ed We can’t do this" I can hear the edge in ry, but I ary Not at her, but how can she differentiate? Maybe she shouldn’t Maybe this would be easier for her if she were disappointed in o
She sits back down on the couch and drops her face into her hands "Will, I won’t say anything," she whispers "I swear" She looks back up at one
The hurt in her voice only solidifies the fact that I’m an asshole I can’t believe I just did this to her--led her on like this She doesn’t need this right now
"I’ht," I say as I pace the floor "This isn’t good for either of us This isn’t good for you"
She glares at ood for me," she snaps
I’ve really screwed this up Royally I need to fix it now I need to end it now For good She can’t leave here thinking this is going to happen again I stop pacing and turn toward her
"You won’t wait for ive up what should be the best year of your life I had to groay too fast; I’ that away from you, too It wouldn’t be fair" I inhale a breath and tell the biggest lie I’ve ever told "I don’t want you to wait forup," she replies weakly
The pain in her voice is too ain I can’t take these e to kiss the living hell out of her and take her in my arms and protect her from every tear that’s about to come her way, then the next minute my conscience kicks in and I want to kick her out of my house I’ve hurt her so bad and she has no idea howthis makes me hate myself for what I just allowed to happen Despise rabroohtly rip the back of the couch and prepare an atteet her to understand where I’ from, maybe she wouldn’t take it so hard
"My life is nothing but responsibilities I’ a child, for Christ’s sake I wouldn’t be able to put your needs first Hell, I wouldn’t even be able to put them second" I raise my head and meet her eyes "You deserve better than third"
She stands up and crosses the living roo on the couch in front of me "Your responsibilities should come before ood person This thing about you that you think is your flaw--it’s the reason I’ in love with you"
Whatever was left of my heart before those words left her mouth is in a million pieces now I can’t let her do this I can’t let her feel this way The only thing I can do tomy hands up to meet her cheeks and I look her in the eyes, then I say the hardest words that I’ll ever have to say "You are not falling in love with me You cannot fall in love within the corners of her eyes, I have to drop my hands and head toward the front door I can’t watch her cry I don’t want to see what I’ht--" I point to the couch "That can’t happen again That won’t happen again"
I open the front door and shut it behind ainst the door and close my eyes I rub my hands over my face and attempt to calm myself down This is allhoeak I am around her I kissed her I kissed her I can’t believe all of this just happened Twenty minutes alone with her and I so her sitting on the couch just now, dumbfounded and heartbroken because of my actions and my wordsI hate myself Pretty sure Lake hates ht thing in this situation see
I walk to the car and pull Caulder out He wraps his ar up Kel opens his eyes and looks around, confused
"You guys fell asleep in the car Go hoo to bed, okay?"
He rubs his eyes and crawls out of the car, then h the front door holding Caulder, Lake is still sitting on the couch, staring at the floor As rab her and tell her I’ht, I realize she needs this to get past whatever it is going on between us She needs to be angry at me And Julia needs her to be focused this year She can’t have Lake wrapped up in us when it ets to spend with herhoo, too," I say
She snatches the keys off the table in front of her and turns to facedown her face "You’re an asshole," she says, her words like a bullet of truth straight through my heart She walks out and slams the door behind her
I take Caulder to his room and tuck him in, then walk to ainst it and close th of the door until I ainst irl This girl is the only girl I care about, and I just gave her every reason in the world to hate me
11
the honeymoon
"I’M SO, SO sorry, Will," she whispers She puts her hands over her face and covers her eyes "I feel horrible Terrible And selfish I didn’t kno hard it was for you, too I just thought you kicked me out because I wasn’t worth the risk"
"Lake, you didn’t knohat all was going through my mind For all you kneas just some jerk who kissed you, then kicked you out of my house I never blamed you And you were absolutely worth the risk If it weren’t for knohat I knew about Julia, I would have never let you go"
She pulls her hands away frood, and those naize for that" She rolls on top of s her face inches from mine "I’m so sorry I called you all those na "I sort of deserved it"