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"What are you thinking?" I finally ask
She slowly turns towardup into the seat She wraps her arms around it and rests her chin on top of her knee I’ve never wanted to be a knee so bad in my entire life
"I’m confused as hell, Will I don’t knohat to think"
Honestly, I don’t knohat to think, either God, I’h and look out the passengerI can’t for the life ofinto those eyes
"I’m sorry," I say "This is all my fault"
"It’s nobody’s fault," she says "In order for there to be fault, there has to be some sort of conscious decision You didn’t know, Will"
I didn’t know But it’s my own damn fault that I didn’t know
"That’s just it, Lake," I say, turning to face her "I should have known I’m in an occupation that doesn’t just require ethics inside the classroom; they apply to all aspects ofhteen, I just assue"
She looks away and whispers, "I’ve only been eighteen for teeks"
That sentence If that sentence could have just been spoken a few days ago, this entire situation would have been avoided Why the hell didn’t I just ask her when her birthday was? I closeto explain my unique situation to her I want her to have a better understanding of why this can’t work between us
"I student teach," I say "Sort of"
"Sort of?"
"After h credits to graduate a semester early Since the school was so shorthanded, they offered me a one-year contract I have threeAfter that I’h June of next year" I look over at her and her eyes are closed She’s shaking her head ever so slightly like she doesn’t co, or she just doesn’t want to hear it
"Lake, I need this job It’s what I’ve been working toward for three years We’re broke My parents left e tuition I can’t quit now"
She darts her eyes toward me, almost like I’ve insulted her
"Will, I understand I’d never ask you to jeopardize your career You’ve worked hard It would be stupid if you threw that away for someone you’ve only known for three days"
Oh, but I would If you would just askyou would askfrom"
"I do understand," she says "It’s ridiculous to assu"
She can deny it all she wants, but whatever it is that I’ it, too I can see it in her eyes "We both know it’s more than that"
As soon as the words leave irl is h my head
We’re both silent The lack of conversation only invites the eins to cry, and despite the fact thatat me, I can’t help but console her I pull her to me and she buries her face in ht out ofto hold her like this--but I know it’s true I know once we separate, it’s over There’s no way I can continue to be around her with the way she consuood-bye
"I’m so sorry," I whisper into her hair "I wish there was soht for Caulder I’o from here, or hoe’ll transition"
"Transition?" she says She brings her eyes to meet mine and they’re full of panic "But--what if you talk to the school? Tell them we didn’t know Ask them what our options are"
She doesn’t realize it, but that’s all I’ve been trying to figure out for the last five hours I’ve been thinking of any and all possible scenarios to change the outcome for us There just isn’t one
"I can’t, Lake It won’t work It can’t work"
She pulls apart from me when Kel and Caulder come out of her house I reluctantly releaseit’s the last time I’ll hold her This is more than likely the last time we’ll have a conversation outside school In order for o completely is the only way I need to distance myself from her
"Layken?" I say hesitantly "There’s oneI need to talk to you about"
She rolls her eyes like she knows it’s soh She just waits for o to administration tomorroant you to withdraw from my class I don’t think we should be around each other any to face me The hurt in her voice is exactly what I was afraid I would hear
"I’ you to do this because I want to avoid you I’ you this because e have isn’t appropriate We have to separate ourselves"
The hurt in her eyes is replaced by a look of incredulity "Not appropriate?" she says, disbelievingly "Separate ourselves? You live across the street froer in her expression, the heartache in her eyes; it’s tooable to console her is unbearable If I don’t get out of this car right now, led in her hair and my lips will beopen the door and get out