Page 32 (1/2)

We finally put the house up for sale in Texas Moed to save almost 180,000 dollars from life insurance dad actually had The house isn't paid off yet, but after all is said and done we should get another check fro on our finances We set aside s account for Kel She payed off all the outstanding credit cards and charge cards that are in her name, and instructed me to never open any in my own name Said she would haunt me if I did

Today is Thursday It’s the final day of school for all the districts; including Will’s We have early release today, so I bring Caulder hoht on Thursdays while Will goes to the slaht Will read his poe to relive heartache That's why I don't go I've relived it enough for a lifetime

I feed the boys and send them to their bedroom and then head to htly chat

"Shut the door, these are Kel's," she whispers

She's wrapping Christifts I shut the door behind me and sit on the bed with her and help her wrap

"What are your plans for Christmas break?" she asks

She's lost all of her hair now She chose not to go with a wig-said it felt like a ferret was taking a nap on her head She's still beautiful, nonetheless

I shrug "Whatever yours are, I guess"

She frowns "Are you going to Will's graduation with us too I think each graduate gets a certain nurandparents are the only other people he invited besides us

"I don't know, I haven't decided yet," I say

She secures a box with a bow and sets it aside "You should go Whatever happened between the two of you, you should still go He’s been there for us, Lake"

I don’t want to ado because I don't kno to be around hiht for a brief ether; I had never felt so elated It was theI've ever experienced, to finally be free to love him But it wasn't real That one minute of pure happiness I felt and the heartache that caain I' paper frosmy emotions on iven you some terrible advice," she says

I pull away froh "That's impossible, Mom You don't kno to do terrible"

I take a box frorab a sheet of already cut paper and begin to wrap it

"I did, though Your whole life I've been telling you to think with your head, not your heart," she says

I rab the roll of tape "That's not good advice, Mootten h these past few e of the package

My rabs the box out ofit and sets it beside her She takes my hands and turnssoyour heart completely There has to be a balance The fact that both of you are letting other things consu happy"

I shakeit "I a so much about me Go live your life I'm not dead yet, you know"

I stare down at our hands as her words soak in I have been focusing on her a lot But that's what she needs It's e both need She doesn't have that much time left, and I want to be there for every second of it

"Mom, you need me You need me more than I need Will Besides, Will has made his choice"

She darts her eyes away and lets go of ht was the best choice for hi"

I know she wants to see me happy I don't have the heart to tell her that it's over between us He ht in the laundry rooht now I'm not one of the and returns it in front of her and starts wrapping it again "That night I told you I had cancer, and you ran to Will's house?" Her voice softens She clears her throat, still avoiding my eyes "I need to tell you what he said to me, at the door"

I re to but I couldn’t hear what they were saying

"When he answered the door I told him you needed to come home That we needed to talk about it He looked at me with heartache in his eyes He said, 'Let her stay Julia She needs ht now'

"Lake, you broke my heart It broke my heart that you needed him more than you needed me As soon as the words carown up…that I wasn't your whole life anymore Will could see that He sa bad his words hurt me When I turned away to walk back to the house he followed ed me He toldto let you go…let you focus on me and on the tiift on the bed She scoots toward ain "Lake, he didn't move on He didn't choose this new job over you…he chose his new job over us He wanted you to have more time withht? Does he really love o?

"Mo?"

"What if I’ What if he wants to choose you? You’ll never know if you don’t tell hiiven hiht, I haven’t I’ve been coht in the laundry room Maybe he just needs to know it’s okay I need to let him know that it’s okay for him to love me

"It's seven-thirty, Lake You knohere he is Go tell his feel like jell-o

"Go!" she laughs

I ju and ether while I throw on my pants I put on the purple shirt that I wore on our first and only date I go to the bathrooI run to my room and reach under my pillow and pull out the purple clip I snap it open and remove my o back to the bathroos to the side of my head and snap the clip in place

21

"Don't say it's over

‘Cause that's the worst news I

could hear I swear that I will

Do my best to be here

just the way you like it

Even though it’s hard to hide

Push e e for you"

-The Avett Brothers, If it’s the Beaches

Chapter Twenty-One

When I walk into the club, I don't stop to look for hiuess anything as I ith false confidence toward the front of the roo scores for the previous perforrab the hts are so bright, I can't see anyone's faces I can't see Will

"I would like to perform a piece I wrote," I say into the microphone My voice is steady, but my heart is about to jump out of my chest I can't turn back now I have to do this "I know this isn't standard protocol, but it's an ehter overco ht of what I'hts and turn around to the eo ahead

I place the ht I close in

"Three dollars!" someone yells from the audience

I open my eyes and realize I haven't paidmy hands in my pockets and pull out a five dollar bill and walk it over to the emcee

I return to the microphone and close my eyes

"My piece is called-"

So me on the shoulder I opentwo one-dollar bills up

"Your change," he says