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"They aren’t nudie pictures How rily

She shushes ain

"We’re in the Lord’s house This isn’t the ti about your boo-boos," she inforeneral direction of my boobs

I love my mother I lovele her in a church full of people

The organ ain and everyone stands

"Moht now Why doesn’t someone just call the police and report the theft?"

She frowns at ift from the Pope"

She quickly crosses herself at the mention of the Pope and I roll my eyes

My mother was born and raised Catholic and she had a very strict upbringing When she left for college, she sowed her wild oats and went a little crazy She never settled down and by the tiht and having a faive her a nice swift kick in the ass on her fortieth birthday, however

My mother washow do I put this nicelybasically, ar On her birthday, she decided to celebrate with a few girlfriends at a local college bar After too e student fro a few of his friends at Notre Dame for the weekend Wham, bam, thank you, ot o back to the bar and ask around about hiuilt roots and started going to confession and Mass every single day At seventy years old, she continues to go to Mass every day, I’m sure to pray for my soul, which she assu man ts in front of us with the blue shirt? That’s Harold Johnson He’s single and his mother told me he’s always had a crush on you"

I don’t even bother looking at the ot divorced, she’s been trying to set ht? His na to containChristian na Christian name It’s a naood job and he even takes care of hismy barb

"Takes care of her, or lives in her base with a forty-year-oldany younger, Paige You need to find someone special"

"How do you know I haven’t found someone special?" I dehonest I’ve never been able to lie to ht I could get aith anything because she was always gone fro or another for the church Five ure out just by looking at me how many beers I snuck at a party when I was supposed to be studying

"Maybe I’ve already found a great guy," I uy if you continue working as a floozy," she counters

"Oh, my God, I am not a floozy! I haven’t had sex with anyone since Andy!"

Of course the church chooses that o completely silent My mother looks around frantically and s distance

"At least wait until after Co out the word like I’h the rest of Mass without doing my mother any bodily harm and as we exit the church, she walks me up to the priest

"Beautiful sere?"

Father Bob shakes ives me a warm smile "Of course I remember her It’s been a while since I’ve seen you at Mass"

My mother looks pointedly at rade at confession for the first tiive me, Father, for I have sinned It’s been aihts

"My mother mentioned you’ve had problems lately with some thefts in the church I’ations firhts of being impure with Matt

"Oh, yes, yes It’s really not as bad as it sounds I’m positive it’s just some poor, homeless soul who has strayed from the path of God All we need to do is say so will be fine"

Father Bob quickly excuses hireet other parishioners

I watch him silently for a few minutes and every once in a while he looks back over his shoulder at

"Father Bob looks guilty I think he knowson," I tell e Elizabeth! Father Bob is a saint That ave you your First Holy Communion, and married you and Andy," she admonishes

"Yeah, and we see hoell that turned out," I e"

I turn in the directionand see her two friends quickly a Fran uses a cane and Eunice is pushing a walker

"Paige, it’s good to see you back at church Did you hear that Harold Johnson is single?" Eunice asks

Oh, for the love of God

"Eunice, who in their right mind would date that man? He lives with his mother and collects aspirin," Fran interjects

"I’m sorry, he collects what?" I ask in bewilderinable He glues thes them up all over his mother’s house I think he’s a serial killer," Fran explains, dra the last part

"I think it’s very artistic," nantly "I heard he even has aspirin fros that those are roofies hanging all over his mother’s house"

We all turn to stare at Fran

"What are roofies? Are those the ones from Germany?" Eunice asks

Fran opens her s roofies, and I quickly change the subject before this conversation goes downhill any faster<ins class="adsbygoogle" style="display:block" data-ad-client="ca-pub-7451196230453695" data-ad-slot="9930101810" data-ad-format="auto" data-full-width-responsive="true"></ins>