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"Oh, did I hurt you?" she let go of my hair with so much force I stumbled backward "Did I hurt you Ivy? God, you’re so pathetically fragile," she waved her arms around as if to deht ball in my chest This wasn’t the first time she made this speech, nor would it be the last Still, the wounds were always fresh, always just as painful And the worst part about everything she was saying, was that it was all true "Do you knohat I was doing at your age, Ivy? Do you have any clue? I wasn’t running off for six oddaht I believed in my future I was loyal I have no idea how you are even my child I was Nix’s choice too once, his trophy I’ve been where you have, but the difference between me and you is that I treated my responsibilities with respect I became the person I was supposed to be I eet your sister back, she will know better She will be better"

Angry tears pricked at my eyes, hot and ready to spill over "This? This is who you were supposed to be?" I gestured at her with my hands now, at her black silk pants, and lavender halter top, at her outrageously expensive shoes, to her Cartier necklace and earrings "I don’t want your destiny; I don’t want your responsibility It’s so sick and disgusting that I can’t even stomach what you do And I hope to God, Honor never coh I hope she never sees what kind of monster you really are" The words were out before I could stop theistered the shock at the sa at her duopen stupidly, while the tears finally slipped out the corners of my eyes to ht a shaking hand up toskin

"Don’t ever speak like that to rowled in a hoarse voice "How dare you"

I closedteeth, but I refused to apologize Thisto apologize

"Go to your roo Nix I’m sure he will be so happy to hear how his therapy worked out for you"

My chin trembled as her words hitoverthrough this

"You think you are so much better than me? So much better than everyone else! I will make damned sure that this is a lesson you learn from Nix He can show you your place because I have no more patience for you" She didn’t even look like herself Her eyes were crazed and psychotic, her face screwed up with rage In the motion it took her to slap me her hair became wild and out of place, her shirt a little off center and her eye liner sed in the corner She was a s of sympathy flooded my veins like ice I didn’t think I was better than her; I just wanted a better life "Go to your room, Ivy I’ll call for you if I need you"

I didn’t say anything; I just turned on my heel and obeyed Once the door was closed and locked behind me I collapsed ontime, they fell in relentless puddles mixed with snot and more emotions than I knehat to do with Eventually I fell asleep witharound in my head

And Ryder’s

And when I finally fell asleep it was only to drealy role life had dealt her She never escaped She never knew another life than slavery and submission

Worst of all she never knew love Not from her family, not from a man

And not from herself

Chapter Twenty-Seven

The nextwas a blur of emotional dysfunction I didn’t want to stay ho, but school seeh I knew I could still sit with Chase and his friends, it see friends with Chase, and I apparently couldn’t get rid of Ryder and Phoenix, but the day after we ended it, seemed a little sudden to flaunt that in his face

So after aaround the band roo Sam There are never any classes over the lunch period in this wing of the building, so it’s nice and quiet But there is a hallway off the tiered band room filled with practice rooms and those are occupied a lot over lunch

I love thein the hallway The sounds individually could be beautiful, or strained or awful, but together, in the hallway they were complete chaos It’s how I pictured the definition of "cacophony" Not that I said that word often, but still, this hall hat a cacophony of sound… sounded like

But today everything was silent and still I was alone Which see but alone

I walked all the way to the end of the hallhere it ran into a brick wall and entered the last small practice room without a sound There was a piano set up on the far wall, and one extra chair besides the piano bench with a metalExie or Sloane and opening up about how unhinged my mom was, but they had their own maternal problems Besides I wasn’t really sure what to do with it all She had never been the most in-touch mom, especially lately But she had never hit me before

I shivered in the damp room and let the silence wash over ly quiet that my ears rushed with the absence of sound and my skin felt physically oppressed by it

Suddenly I couldn’t take it anyhts in my head, none of it I yanked the piano bench back and sla up and down the keyboard before I could catchmelodies that were meant to be sweet and slow, or fast, feverish classical pieces that I butchered until they were unrecognizable even tonumbness My back stiff and my neck pained Still I ferociously attacked the piano until I eating and exhausted

Finally, out of breath, I slumped back and dropped ravelly voice came from behind me

I screamed in response, completely surprised I whirled around on the bench, the s it easy to spin around and face Ryder

"What are you doing here?" I gasped My heart still beat frantically in my chest and my hands flew to my hair which I kneas disheveled and frizzy

"Looking for you," he said si hidden in the different about hi I couldn’t place Like he was lighter today, weighed less or soravity today, like he would just float away at any given moment

And at the same time he was more intense, more… intent with me

"So you had to scare the bejeezus out of hs and rocked forward so that my hair covered my flushed face

"I didn’t mean to scare you, Ivy," he said patiently "Sorry It’s not like I snuck up on you or anything, you were just hed a little hysterically And then it turned into ed

Ryder walked over to hs and slipped them into his and let hi, our bodies so close together I could feel the heat from his chest and then his minty breath fan over my hairline

"Someone’s here to see you They’re in the office," he explained

"Is it ine what she was doing here trying to pull me out of school And then panic set in, what if she was here to take ht was the final nail in my coffin?