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His emotion infuriated le one ofwas, I couldn’t even be ht And he certainly shouldn’t be punished because I was cursed

"You’re right," I gave in Suddenly I was very tired "I should have handled things differently with Chase"

I watched Ryder open his mouth and then close it out of the corner of my eye and didn’t knohat toat h me And not in the way that made me feel like I didn’t exist, but in the way that made me feel like I very le piece of me I tried to hide, tried to tuck away Like his eyes were super powered and he had no issue with finding every single vulnerable place inside ht on every last nook and cranny

"Chase is my friend," Ryder finally settled on the obvious "But so are you, Ivy If you want to talk, I will listen"

I swung rays

"I can’t-"

"I didn’t ask that," Ryder cut me off, his expression fierce and hopeful all at the saive But if you want to, I am here for you"

I don’t knohat my face looked like, or what emotion he watched cross rew hot with theI felt likein my chest with painful purpose I shookto him, not to even hint at the real purpose

But I found the words bubbling up before I could stop them; they swam their way to the surface and ue before I could even register what a terrible idea this was

"Ryder, what you don’t know is… there’s actually a lot you don’t-"

Banging on Ryder’sscared the ever living hell out ofscrea whatever terrible truth I was about to confess

"What are you guys doing in there?" Phoenix shouted through the closed , his voice rief

My heart beat e, and sweat formed at my hairline and lower back Holy hell, that reht and I was fairly certain I nearly died of a brain aneurism

"I’m sorry," I panted out of breath I clutched a hand to my neck and cleared my throat nervously "I’m really sorry"

Ryder looked atdown thefor Phoenix "Was that necessary?"

"Sorry, Ives," Phoenix apologized sheepishly "I didn’t mean to scare you"

"It’s fine," I waved a dismissive hand, but I was still out of breath "Honestly, it is I just wasn’t expecting you"

"Are you Ok?" Ryder faced entled orry

"Yes, seriously, I ah but let’s be real, I sounded a little deranged Yep, ere never visiting this conversation again Obviously this was the universe’s way of warning et started?" Ryder asked in that same patient tone "If you’re not up for it, I can just take you home"

And I kneould If I wasn’t up for this, Ryder would let o

I both loved that and hated it at the sao

"I’ht

Chapter Twenty-Five

I followed Ryder and Phoenix across the street to a standalone brick building with two floors of apart was quaint and kind of adorable There were boxes for flowers hanging out of every second and third story , but they were empty now because of the season There was another standalone brick building directly to the east of it, but it was larger and a lighter shade brick than Ryder’s and to the west a block doas the Holland Center, a gorgeous lass

We entered Ryder’s building through a side door using a keypad access and ca was absolutely quiet and dark, the only sound our footsteps echoing off the tile floor as the sound got lost in the open stairwell

We cliht of stairs in silence, while Phoenix beat his druot in his way: his jean-clad thigh, the bannister, the steps in front of hi in his head, but he was the only one that could hear it And in the fast flicking of his hands holding the sticks, I realized where all that contained energy was channeled too Even though his fingers were constantlywith rhythm his face was calm now, placid and relaxed It was like this outlet for hienius

At the top of the stairs, Ryder opened the heavy metal door with another key and led us into his apartment

I was honestly surprised to walk directly into his living space, I expected there to be… I don’t know, more to the upstairs Instead, Ryder’s ho The loft space was n There was an incredible round concrete table that took up way ine necessary for a fa h narrow backs, but wide seats that were fit almost like old tractor seats, maybe? Weird The kitchen was darker tones of concrete, and mixed with a 1950’s inspired collection of appliances The living room was dark, worn leather couches and a mixture of recycled wood turned into a low coffee table and unique end tables The living room also faced the street-side s and was completely devoid of electronic entertainment Doors to what I assumed were either bedrooms or bathrooms broke up the wall space around the room and I couldn’t help but wonder which one led to Ryder’s

"What do you think?" Ryder asked in a quiet, self-conscious voice

Phoenix’s druh the aparty While he warmed up I couldn’t bite back the smile

"I love it," I answered I did love it I loved the scattered newspaper covering the coffee table, the forgotten about coffee cups still sitting in front of pushed out chairs at the table I loved the smell of some kind of spicy dinner that reear piled in a messy heap by the door I loved that this place felt like a home I loved that his home was lived in "Where did you find all this… stuff? Who did your dad hire?" I laughed taking in the ginorhts of stairs and through the narrow door

"Hire? You mean a decorator?" Ryder’s face was scrunched up in confusion I nodded though, wondering absently what my mom would think about all this "We didn’t hire anybody My dad has a soft spot for student art and ether, they created this… mess"