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The dinner continued on without me present, at least intellectually Nix andtopics But I re hopelessness

There was no point to breathing anymore There was no need for air

Chapter Eleven

You will be mine, Ivy You will be mine You will be mine You will be mine

"Hey are you, Ok? Ivy, are you Ok?" Kenna’s voice cut through the ht and shook me into the present

Breath

One full breath

"U I looked fine Obviously I didn’t, but to be fair, she caught htht"

She smiled back, but I could tell she didn’t really believe me I relied on our acquaintance-only-status to keep her fro breath I turned my attention back to Chase as he inhaled his pizza I reached over and stole a pepperoni before he could consunored the instinct to lick his plate clean for him

"I tried to share with you," Chase scolded He wiped his hands on a napkin and gave e and bottle of water a depressed once over "That is so not enough food for lunch"

"It’s plenty," I argued, savoring the taste of the greasy pepperoni oneater," I explained I wasn’t a big eater, but not by choice It was part of the rules I lived with I wanted to be a big eater I wanted to weigh four hundred pounds and eat ice crea and drink soda by the two-liter

I wanted to wear elastic pants

Chase runt that sounded like he didn’t really believe e in front ofjuice to squirt out everywhere, specklingto He sat down directly across fro his eyebrows "Ivy, you in?"

"Yeah, I’ed Chase with my elbow "Chase invited er and he reached out with his gangly arms to steal my water bottle and take a drink Apparently our lunch table was more like a communal buffet

"Wait, is this the first date?" Ryder asked, squeezing in between Phoenix and Kenna He threw his arainst her neck before waiting for the answer I watched the hollow and open in led loudly and then wiggled out of Ryder’s arm so that she could finish her lunch She really was pretty, even today when she wasn’t really trying Her stick straight hair was thrown up into a ht that it fell li a siht jeans with a loose scarf around her neck, but she was still eye-catching, still beautiful

I found myself jealous for a moment Not because I didn’t think I was pretty, I kneas But each one ofless than perfectly styled hair was completely out of the question Even the ballet flats I wore today with skinny jeans took hours of convincing and negotiating My mother was under the impression that unless I was in at least four inch stilettos I just wasn’t trying

I torehi just barely, his cheeks pinkened and his eyes averting me coed, saving Chase frooaded "Don’t get too attached to that one, if the best he can come up

with is a lame-ass party at Bates’ house"

"It’s my fault," I felt the unexplainable need to defend Chase froht and he had already proave me a skeptical look and I wasn’t exactly sure what it was for, but Chase ju "Like you’re any better Sutton You’re taking Kenna to the party, yeah?"

"Yeah," Ryder agreed "But tonight I have big plans"

"Oh yeah?" Kenna nudged Ryder with her elbow gently "What kind of plans?"

"Big ones," Ryder smirked at her, and the innuendo was clear

I felt et warm and I had to avoid any eye contact at the table while everyone snickered and laughed around me I didn’t knohy I felt so embarrassed by Ryder’s comments; it wasn’t like my life was protected from sex, or sex-related activities In fact, it wasBut I didn’t like to think about whatever Ryder had planned for Kenna tonight For whatever reason those thoughts made me extremely uncomfortable

"Hey," Chase lowered his voice and leaned into o to the party We can always do our own thing"

"No you can’t," Phoenix ju Chase a stern look "No you can’t do your own thing Ivy’s never been to one ofmy party" This was theat Chase

"Geez, eavesdrophis head at his friend "And you can’t peer pressure Ivy into going, she hed at the two of the back and forth And it was true I was completely immune to peer pressure Parental pressure was a whole different category however and in my case, so, so much worse "Don’t worry, Phoenix, we’ll be there" I turned to Chase and smiled at him "I don’t want to disappoint him, he seems so pathetic"